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Absolutely Positively.....Practical Jokes
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MC Lyte
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1
I play practical jokes just to get a laugh
2
I put roaches in my neighbor's bubblebath
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But anyway, one day she called upon me
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She said, "Lyte, it's an emergency"
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My next door neighbor had an errand to run
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I said, "Why Ms. Davis, ask your son"
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She said, "Ricky's at his grandmother's"
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I said, "Well, what about Tommy, the younger brother?"
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She said, "See, umm, he's at the pharmacy"
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I said, "He'll be back soon how much longer could it be?"
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She said, "C'mon, please, it's just a trip uptown
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If you leave right now, you'll be back before sundown
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Hurry up, there's not a moment to spare
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It absolutely positively has to get there"
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Umm, I contemplated then I played a good Samaritan
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Started the car, then she threw the package in
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It absolutely, positively has to get there
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It absolutely, positively has to get there
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It absolutely, positively has to get there
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It absolutely, positively got to get there
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Pumpin' out the music on the FDR
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Not far behind me was a DT car
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So I eased up selector, 55 the digit
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But on the FDR, 40 is the limit
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Here they come, sirens on
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I could see myself in jail 'til the break of dawn
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But they rolled right by, it wasn't me they was after
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A little red corvette, they was tryin' to capture
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Dread I feel sweat so I set down my jacket
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Look up ahead, now that's what I call traffic
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Dipped to an exit and I made my way through
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Couldn't believe when I hit First Avenue
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On a Honda's ass, just about to crash
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Looked at the gauge and the shit said no gas
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Zero, nada, nothing in here, see
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In car terms the shit was on empty
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Got out and pushed the shit to the side
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Hailed a cab then I caught a quick ride
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To the house of inflation, yes, the gas station
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Gave a little tip to show my appreciation
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Got back to the ave where I left my car
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It wasn't there but it couldn't have gone far
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Damn, I must have got towed
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Tried to figure out how much money I owed
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Went to the pound and I paid my debt
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Think that was the worst, you ain't heard nothin' yet
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Bumped into that crackhead Sam, I used to see
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And like always, hand out, give me money
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In my tank was a dollar's worth of gas I had to get to a nice machine fast
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It absolutely, positively has to get there
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It absolutely, positively got to get there
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It absolutely, positively got to get there
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It absolutely, positively has to get there
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As I left the bank to walk back to the BM
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Couldn't believe what my eyes were seein'
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Looked at the back tire, it was flat
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While the other three were so damn fat
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A brother walked by and offered his help
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Ordinarily I woulda did the shit myself
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But he changed it quick, so I passed him a ten
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Here I go on this journey again
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Went to the gas station to fill it up
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When a crackhead from nowhere grabbed the pump
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I said, "Look, I don't need your help today"
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And I scared the motherfucker and he was on his way
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Oops, a cat, shit, scrat
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Fur on my tires and all that
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What's this, a stroke of bad luck?
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But at this point, I don't even give a fuck
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I got to get the package to the destination
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No matter what the confrontation
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I arrive, bag in my hand
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Lookin' for a woman named Pam
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She opened the bag, it was wrapped tight and snug
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But in that bag, yo, in that bag
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45, guess what, it was a box of Q-tips
77
A box of fuckin' Q-tips, man
Absolutely Positively....Practical Jokes
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