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Lil Dicky
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1
Hello, how can I help you?
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Hi, my name's Dave Burd, I have an appointment today
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It's probably under 'Lil Dicky,' actually
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I'm a, I'm a rapper, so
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Okay, and who are you here to see?
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Uh, Snoop Dogg? Says here Snoop D-o-g-g
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Oh, yeah. He's right down the hall
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First door to your right
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Give him a knock and he should be right with you
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Thanks. It's uh, this door right here, right?
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Mm-hmm, thank you
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Grab a seat
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Thanks I'm Dave very nice to meet
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Dave, what it do? You can call me Dogg
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Let me just check your sheet
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No problem, sir, let me just say
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I'm a big fan of the shit that y'all make
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I can't lie, I been thinking about this all day
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All good, there's a reason that we called, Dave
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let me start with your background
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Where you come from?
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Sure, I was undergrad down there in Richmond
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Before that
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Oh, you talking bout my hometown?, yeah
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I was born out of Philly grew up in a little silly old town called Cheltenham
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It was in the suburbs, upper-middle wealth around
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So real shit you ain't never had to struggle for much
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I wouldn't say it like that, we just had a different kind of trap
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Elaborate
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Well I ain't never had a tool, but I had to be the man at school
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Like I was doing shit I had to do so when I finished undergrad
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I'm cool and I can get whatever job I wanted
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But the job you wanted wasn't all that bumping
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Yeah, and I saw it quick all the flaws that be coming when you grow up like that
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Know you been racing them rats, you ain't been making them raps
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Boo hoo what a hardship
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How you paid to get the rap shit started?
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Man, my Bar Mitzvah money
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But don't diss me buddy, I wasn't one of them younguns up on the block who had nothing to lose
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I must've wanted this a lot, I had something to choose
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Look at that, I can say there's something to prove up in your ass
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Yeah, I guess
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That's enough of the past, what makes you want to do rap?
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Oh my god, it's the best
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Bitches let me draw up on their breasts
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Literally I can reinvent myself
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I get a forum to project myself
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It's never boring, every morning I wake up and try to best myself
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I never got to be suppressed or stealthy to express myself
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It's kinda healthy
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Cool, now let me put you through a couple hypothetical's
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Sure
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In a club and a couple niggas threaten you
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Uh, I wouldn't do shit
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And I don't even get what that got to do with this?
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Shut the fuck up, rap's like life
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If you wanna do this, then you won't get far acting like a little bitch
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Nah, that's my niche!
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Don't get offended by this, but that's the market y'all missed
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That's the target I'll hit
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And that's the heart of my pitch
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I wanna do this whole thing different
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What the fuck you mean you wanna do the whole thing different?
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Uh, you know, I-I think, like, you know
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Traditionally people have been doing the job the same kind of way for a long time
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But traditionally speaking, this shit works, right?
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Nah, like, I get that, but I-I just think that, you know
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You don't know if it could be working even better
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And I think you should look at me as an opportunity to find that out
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I don't mean any disrespect by that
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I'm just saying I have a different background
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Like a different perspective way of looking at things than your typical applicant
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So what are your biggest strengths?
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Well my flow is crazy, I can switch that amazing
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For example, I can be like ain't nobody fucking with Lil Dicky
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When he get up on that shit and spit it sick and ridiculous
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Ripping this shit like it's never been did and the rhythm is never predictable
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Cause I can switch it, deliver this shit to whatever cadence you bitches prefer
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Alright, alright, I get it
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Top of that, lyrically I'm pretty damn clever (go)
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Got a long bottom bitch, called a hoe Neville (whoa)
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And I blow it from the jump, Derrick Rose knee (oh)
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You can say I'm pretty smart how I know better
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And y'all been winning like Pistorius, it's no feat
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Bro, I can go on and on
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I'm taking over and they mad like father-in-laws
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Okay enough of the punchline, that ain't showing me you different from the other guys
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Well I don't know if they can run it like that
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But ain't nobody else doing funny type rap
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What's that?
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Well I can tell a story about my morning
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Watching Boy meets World and jerking off to Topanga Lawrence
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Like the 14 year old Topanga
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Oh this shit like a joke to you?, I don't get it
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Nah it ain't like that I just happen to be a nutty abundantly funny type of individual
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Like, as a guy
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So when I get up on the mic I ain't finna just lie
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Real recognize real, right?
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Yeah, I guess. So what you trying to do?
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Five years from now, tell me bout the due
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Well, I don't care about the money
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Like, it's the respect that I'm wanting
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Honestly, I just want to be one of the greats
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Where they gotta bring your boy up every debate
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I don't wanna leave the game the same
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In a nutshell, what's your legacy?
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Well, I wanna be the dude that came in and made the stand up rap
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With the random rap and the man like that for the people that was anti-rap
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Yet, the fans of rap started recognizing anti-rap is ironically one of the real brands of rap left
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That shit sound pretty damn complex
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I guess, I wanna be the best
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I just wanna do it my way
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And turn the whole game sideways
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And show people you ain't gotta be resigned to the highway
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You can make a path while these motherfuckers drive straight
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I ain't mad at that
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Well thanks, man, that's my plan of my attack
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Just let me in and I'mma rap the plaques
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And I ain't about to win them back to back
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I'm bout to win them like it's back to back to back to back to back
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Til I stop rapping
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You ain't even sold a damn album yet, true
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That's a lot of talk from a wily vet
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Let alone a young rook nigga
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You misread me
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Nah this ain't a book nigga
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Well that's one of my flaws, I'm too competitive dawg
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No, you just fucking repetitive dawg
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I get it, you trying to be better than all, but you ain't shit until cheddars involved
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I get that I gotta prove myself
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No shit you ain't done shit
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But think about that though
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Only doing this a couple of years
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One tape and I'm like this?
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This shit is aight for your first shit
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But you don't know if it's your worst shit
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You don't think finding out would be worth it?
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It might be, it might not
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But I'mma put your ass to work, kid
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Wait, like, like I have the job? Like really?
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Well one more thing, let me see if you could put a hook together
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What would you do for the hook for this song?
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You want me to make a hook up right now?
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Do I look like the type of nigga that like repeating himself?
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Alright, uh, okay, man do the hook
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I'm bout to be professional
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Homie, I'm professional
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Uh, maybe like a low voice type thing?
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Nigga, that shit is garbage man
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Well, you know, I feel like there might have been some upside to it
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But I'm not good at thinking of things on the spot like that
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Don't y'all normally like outsource for that kind of thing sometimes?
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Sometimes, but you know, that was some next level Dogg shit right there
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Yeah, you know, I'm just way better when I get to think things through
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Have my like that dual screen action that type of thing
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Whatever man, you trying to smoke a blunt?
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Right now?
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Yeah, sure
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Dope, Juanita, bring some weed in here, please, thank you
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(You got it, Snoop, I'll be right there)
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Thanks, Juanita, super nice woman
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Nigga, why does everything you say sound so soft?
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Uh, I really don't wanna be spoken to like that, so
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Whatever, Thanks
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(Hey, I got y'all y'all weed)
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Damn, that's some great looking weed, It's just so early
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(Can I get you guys anything else while I'm here? coffee? tea? head? bottled water?)
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D-Did you just say head?
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(Yeah. You ain't never got no head before?)
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I mean, Just feels like A lot, right now (ok)
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But what kind of tea do you guys have?
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(We got mint, raspberry, earl grey, English breakfast)
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Actually, I'll take head
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(I knew your little dirty ass wanted some head.)
Lil Dicky - Professional Rapper (Feat. S...
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