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Birthday Card
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1
I was on my last warning from Mrs Example,
2
Clean up my act stop being an a*****e,
3
Didn't help my debacle,
4
I'd just woken up from an all day, all night, filthy (barkle),
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Something quite (bait) about today's date,
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I'd was hard to locate I'd drunk too much Pernod,
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Took another swipe with my Mach 3 Turbo,
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Then it hit me like a raging inferno.
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I don't believe it I,
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Forgot her bloody birthday card,
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She wont be a happy gal,
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Forgot her bloody birthday card,
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She's gonna scream and yell,
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Forgot her bloody birthday card,
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She'll leave me man, she might as well,
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Forgot her bloody birthday card.
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I try to keep things relative,
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Never give [?] to myself if I can,
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But I can only think negative,
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Used to tell her s**t like I'd lost my pen,
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Now there's a chance I'll never see her face again,
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So I walk a fine line, but it's not the end,
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See I bought her a voucher for H and M,
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She can get a new skirt and she'll look the part,
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And if it don't work pour out my heart,
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Look, yeah, I'm going to be completely honest with you,
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You know I love you, you know I respect you,
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At the end of the day, a birthday card,
29
It's just a piece of paper isn't it?
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In an envelope.
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Yeah I know a voucher is a piece of paper too,
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Yeah, but you can get a skirt with that,
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Well you can get shoes then.
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Wait, nah that's bullshit,
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I can't do that,
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Can't sound like a wanker, (a girly chat),
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So I gotta make a dash for the petrol station,
38
Cause their cards are perfect for any occasion,
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I drop my razor and splash my (boat),
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I grab some tracky-d's and a random coat,
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Then I'm on it with a wallet,
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And I hit the pavement,
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I'm running down the street with my face half shaven,
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I'm getting stronger and stronger my legs are burning,
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There's still hope yet just a couple of turn-in's,
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See the longer I wander the more I scream,
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She gets here at 10 and it's quarter to.
48
I don't believe it I,
49
Forgot her bloody birthday card,
50
She wont be a happy gal,
51
Forgot her bloody birthday card,
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She's gonna scream and yell,
53
Forgot her bloody birthday card,
54
She'll leave me man, she might as well,
55
Forgot her bloody birthday card.
56
I get to the garage,
57
Panic scanning the rack,
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99 percent of the range is all crap,
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Happy Birthday Dad, Worlds Best Mother,
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I Love You Sister, You're a Special Brother,
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No other bloody card with a cover for a lover,
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Plus I'm getting kinda stressed as I search for another,
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But this one struck me,
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It's pink and funky,
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With a cartoon print of a drunken monkey.
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There's a chance I'll make it I'm nearly done,
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I hand him the coins and it's time to run,
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Now it's 5 minutes too and I'm nearly home,
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I feel a vibration and check my phone.
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The message reads, "Honey, I'll be there shortly",
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"I just got off the bus and I've started walking",
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So like Kelly Holmes I sprint the home straight,
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I rip my tracky-d's as I hurdle the gate,
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I crash through the door, I fall up the stairs,
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Looking like I've been in intensive care,
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The Biro's f**ked, the pencil's broken,
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I grab a Magic Marker and write a token,
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Of my appreciation for her,
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And the things that make her so per-fect,
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S**t, there's the bell,
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I seal the envelope it should all be swell,
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Look, here she is, my Kiera Knightly,
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She gives me a kiss and I hug her tightly,
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She asks why I've only shaved half my face,
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And sweating like I've just come first in some race,
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I got up extra early,
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To exercise and stretch my thighs,
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So I could see my special girly,
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She looks in my eyes and sees my lies,
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With a dubious face she accepts the card,
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She reads it, drops it and slaps me hard,
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I open it up and prepare for doom,
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The text in the card reads Get Well Soon.
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I don't believe it I,
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Forgot her bloody birthday card,
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She wont be a happy gal,
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Forgot her bloody birthday card,
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She's gonna scream and yell,
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Forgot her bloody birthday card,
100
She'll leave me man, she might as well,
101
Forgot her bloody birthday card.
102
Ok, I admit, yeah, I messed up big time,
103
But have I got a surprise for you?
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Yep, nah man, wait for it,
105
I booked us a table,
106
At Nandos,
107
No ser... Where you going?,
108
Serious, where you going?,
109
It's only a card!
10 April 2026 Birthday Wishing Video||Bi...
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