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First Trimester
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Illogic
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[woman's voice]
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I am sorry...I should of never acted all crazy like that
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and I know...you have never cheated on me
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you're the only one I trust....and now we are gonna have a baby
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and we are gonna give him - or her - a real family, that we never had>
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[illogic]
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the love floods that drips from her eyes as they meet his
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while inside she holds a gift, the virus of new life
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their hearts overflow with oceans of emotions mixed
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happiness, confusion, love, hate, all simultaneous
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holding her close as she drenches his chest with rivers of fear
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a single tear sprints down his cheek, his knees become weak
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he thinks, "here I sit, a child embracing a child with child that's probably
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more scared of this than I am
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it's too late to question if I'm ready for the responsibility
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'cause I knew the consequences of lust, but I took part willingly."
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just then, her left hand slowly graces his face
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the love in her touch encourages tears to race
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she wipes the rain from his cloudy eyes
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shaken and scared she takes his hand, smiles, and places it on her belly
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his hand trembles, heart pounds, mouth returns to smile
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as inside, she frowns, knowing she can't handle this right now
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"I'm stuck in this spot between love and my culture
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my cousin had a baby out of wedlock and they disowned her
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should I risk losing one family to start my own?
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or if I don't have it, will he hate me, and make me stand alone
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leaving me to hold this bag of bricks and carry it for a lifetime
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while he can relieve the pain by just going home and writing a rhyme?
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at that point he pulls her close, whispers "I love you" to her lobes
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unbeknownst to the dichotomy in the beauty that he beholds
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I love her now, and even after death
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she's my breath
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the only other close to my heart? my mother
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I'm scared, but prepared to give my child what I was never given, a life
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with its father and its mother, its wife
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I know realize my eyes see the horizon
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I'm no longer looking for a kaleidoscope to climb in
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accepting my scenery, my fate parallel to grace
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I know I'm in love every time my eyes touch her face
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I love him, but I'm not ready to spring a life into this world
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I'm only 17, myself still a little girl
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I need my family too much to lose them for him
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but I need him by my side also, I'll have his baby someday
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he's the only one I see in my future, but now's not the time
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we still have things to experience and live out our lives
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I can't do it, I've decided. I'm only two months now
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but how can I tell the love of my life that I've murdered his child?
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alone she sits, with oceans of regret soaking optics
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heart ripped to shreds with visions of a dead sea
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o words can emerge from voice box to explain
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the understood hate that seemed to fuel his pain
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his vital organ pounds till his chest starts to vibrate
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emotions unusual trapped in delusional mind state
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he knows not what to feel, or what to say
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how to react to the fact of, should he leave or should he stay?
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a cloud of sorrow hovers above the two broken spirits
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without a clue
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gloom so thick that love can't shine through
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he's thinkin, "here I stand, face to face with my angel
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as the blood of our child soaks her hands
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the hate I hold is a product of the love she evokes
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so in an obscure way, I understand"
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with arms outstretched, she lies his head upon her chest
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and she cries and continues to apologize
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"you know that I love you (I love you)
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and you won't be to blame if after this action, you never utter my name
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but I need time to mature before I give birth
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we need time to explore and find what we're worth
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one day I'll have your seed
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even if the sun rays burn out and the starlight bleeds"
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their eyes meet, and lips touch
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I love yous are exchanged
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and eyes lock till tear ducts flood with rivers of pain
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love won't let them leave, there was a hold on his heart
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as much as my death hurt, it couldn't tear them apart
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so now I rest on clouds with other aborted missions
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I forgive you and understand the purpose of your decision
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I hope this story of my life hits the depth of many souls
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and when you want to tell me you love me, you don't have to
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cause I know
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[woman's voice]
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I am sorry...I should of never acted all crazy like that
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I love you
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