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"Nicky"
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1
Suppose one day in Bromley, Kent
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I live my nightmare & am sent
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To sing for blonde suburban women
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Before the wives of double-glazers
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I'd be Julio Inglesias
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Doing the great Sin-Argentinian
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Suppose they Barry Manilow me
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Screaming "Show me you're a man"
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With legs as mottled as salami
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Ladies, I'm doing the best I can
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This is how Casanova's bum
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Becomes a lesson in virility
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Set to a bossa nova drum
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Sung to tarts decked out like Christmas trees
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Then in my dressing room I'd see
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This elephant as pink as me
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Drinking & singing gloomily
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About the time they called me
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Yeah the time the called me,
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About the time they called me "Nicky"
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If I could be him for only an hour
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If I could be him before his grand finale
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If I could be me, if I could only be
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Cute, cute, cute
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Absolutely banal
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Suppose one evening in Mauritius
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Entertaining high officials
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High on whores & marijuana
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Begging letters from celebrities
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Begging "Couldn't you write songs for me?"
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I'd blackmail David Bowie & the Dalai Lama
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& I'd be an industrialist of song
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& I could sell with a wink
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The best in showbiz & in drink
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Korean floorshows, whiskey from the Congo
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Whiskey from the Congo
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Me, I'd have a ring on every finger
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& a thumb in every state
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& every state would be the singer's
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& acknowledged, I would legislate
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Then in my Hong Kong opium den
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Waiting for 1999
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I'd spend the years of my decline
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Remembering the time they called me
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Yeah the time they called me,
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Ah, the time they called me "Nicky"
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If I could be him for only an hour
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If I could be him before his grand finale
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If I could be me
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If I could only be cute, cute, cute
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Absolutely venal
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Suppose one day in paradise
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I find myself to my surprise
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Singing for ladies flapping swans' wings
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Plucking on my little harp
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I'd be a beacon in the dark
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& save the souls of human beings
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Then Jesus Christ has hardly christened me
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Son of the one in the directory
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Between Vic & Jean-Luc Goddard
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& I grow my beard & walk on water
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& if I really came on strong
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& started prancing and Cliff Richard-ing
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I know it wouldn't be too long
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Before I heard the shadows whispering
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How Satan's come in from the cold
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He's now the shepherd & his fold
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Is shouting out requests for oldies
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From the time they called me
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Yeah the time they called me
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Yeah the time they called me "Nicky"
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If I could be him for only an hour
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If I could be him before his grand finale
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If I could be me
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If I could only be
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Cute, cute, cute, cute
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Absolutely
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He could fall asleep at night
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He could fall in love all right
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He could fall asleep at night
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He could fall asleep at night
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He could fall in love all right
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He could fall asleep at night
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He could fall asleep at night
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He could fall in love all right
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As a rock & roll star
A Complete History of Sexual Jealousy (P...
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