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Tramadol
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Xerxes
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Here's an ode to the things we can't control,
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how they take hold of us
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like fuel to our lust,
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gasoline in our guts,
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touch a spark and let the flames grow
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If I tried to describe it, would you understand
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or would you feign sympathy and wait for it to pass
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I never asked for this, maybe its what I deserve
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Too weak to control it, left only to purge
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You never saw its true face,
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so you couldn't see the fatigue
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not so much that I needed sleep
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just how some things make you weak
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so you don't notice the blood until the knife is twisting
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But I recall, in the emergency room
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with the curtains pulled,
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how you said you knew, but you stopped.
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And I don't need an answer for why
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I guess you learned not to pry,
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my pain taught you to cut yourself off.
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But I can't, and it hurts
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First its clear, still cold in my throat, then my lips
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then its black, like spitting up smoke from the fires in my lungs
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then it comes, and its thick and its red and it comes and doesn't stop
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my insides all cut up, bleeding out
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Thats how it feels, thats what its like to give up.
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And I've been giving up
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Its like I'm hardly alive
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Trudging through nothing to the other side.
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There's no point; I'm sick of trying.
my song PS5 was originally called PS4!
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