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Condomnation
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Bob & Tom
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1
If I have a date and I think I'm gonna mount her,
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I go to the drugstore and head to the counter.
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I get what I need and I put it in my wallet.
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It's the same old thing no matter what you call it.
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A condom,
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A scrote coat,
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A manhole cover,
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A pork cork,
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A clam dam,
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A plain ol' rubber,
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A head shed,
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A knob swab,
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A third leg stocking.
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It's all the same when your bed starts rockin'. Oh my.
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If you wanna meet me for a little tryst,
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Put a Coney Island white fish on your shoppin' list.
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Slip it on when you're getting hot.
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Then no one has to sleep on the gooey spot.
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Get a gent tent,
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A carp tarp,
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A halt leg trouser,
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A wood hood,
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A clap cap,
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A doogie houser,
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A wank tank,
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A root boot,
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A prophylactic.
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It'll look real slick in a johnson jacket.
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Wrap that rascal up in a salami sling.
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When you hit the sack,
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You're ready, Jack,
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To do the nasty thing.
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Put on a jock sock,
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A beav sleeve,
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A canyon coaster,
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A ball shawl,
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A spunk trunk,
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A love gun holster,
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A meat sheet,
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A goose noose,
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A rod partition.
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Do the math. There's no new addition.
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I met a young lady in a single's bar.
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Pretty soon we're getting naked in my car.
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Now she tells me I'm gonna be a dad.
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I could kick myself 'cause I wish I had on
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A muff moat,
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A stilt kilt,
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A large load stopper,
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A boom balloon,
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Or a totem pole topper,
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A wad pod,
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A wet suit,
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A gonad girdle.
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Cause you never know when she might be fertile.
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Neutralize your schlong with a dong sarong.
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When you're in bed, use a tickler head
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And she'll think you're King Kong.
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Wear a love glove,
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A squirt shirt,
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A gland end gorda,
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A bone beret,
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A flesh fedora.
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Put one on every time you make it
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And hope to God that you don't break it!
Pants - Here Come the Mummies
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