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FOLK MONOLOGUE
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Barbra Streisand
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Can I get my glass of tea? Mmm, nothing like it!
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At this time I would like very much to do a Folksong. Since Folksongs,
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I think are still popular today. Uhm, this one is in Latvian and it's
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from Latvia. And it's about this Tahitian girl who uhm, had this lover.
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And then one day this lover decides that he doesn't like her anymore
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and likes her sister better. So she decided that the only thing to do
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naturally was to kill herself, see. So one day, oh, was very nice out
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about 75 degrees, and she was taking this walk down to the river to
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drown when she, she tripped over this rock see. And uhm, oh it was
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awful I mean, she broke her glasses, she scrapped her knees. And uhm,
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just at this minute the lover and the sister happen to come by in a
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taxicab. So, see they saw her on the floor and she, having an
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astigmatism in her left eye, she thought that it was a wild bore. So,
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she figured oh boy I'd better get down to the river fast to drown so
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she runs down there and what do you know the river was frozen. So I
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mean she just stood there you know and she went tchhh, like that. Tch,
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and uhm, because, I mean, she couldn't do it that day. See, it was a
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small town they only had one river, so. Anyway than she figured, oh
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it's getting late, better get home cause her mamma would be worried
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and would kill her if she was late for supper you know. So, I mean,
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she gets up and she starts walking around home and she bumps in to
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this guy, and what do you know, he turns out to be an optometrist.
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And just happens to happen to have her "suscription". So, anyway, uh?
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Oh, I'm sorry "suBscription".So anyway, I mean, she's I don't want
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you to think that this is one of those Hollywood-like stories: She
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gets the glasses and sees happily ever after. I mean, this is, you
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know, no like that. I mean she had to pay for the glasses just like
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you and me, she ... well, oh well, I mean, I don't want you to think
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that I'm lying but she did get about a dollar fifty off, dollar
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sixty-five? So anyway, uhm... this guy (Oh) turned out to be very
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nice and he even told her where she could find another river.
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So, I'll tell you the truth, this girl was a real creep. I mean,
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you know who would wanna sing a song about her? I mean, her sister
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was really much nicer. And uhm, I mean, I, I think she came from
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a better family.
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[Singing]
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Call me a boob
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Call me a schlemiel
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Call me a brain with a missing wheel
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Call me what you will
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But nonetheless I'm still
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In love with Harold Mingert
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It's not because he has a car
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Arnie Fleisher has a car
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And a car is just a car
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But if Harold didn't have a car too his name
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I guess I'd love him just the same
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Call me what you will
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But nonetheless I'm still
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In love with Harold Mingert
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And it's not because he has a wealthy family
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Arnie Fleischer has a wealthy family
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But money isn't everything
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And if Harold didn't have a car too his name
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I know I'd love him just the same
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But sometimes I ask myself why than
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Do I than love Harold Mingert
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Harold isn't handsome or clever or smart
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And I don't find romance and a dance in his heart
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The only answers I can think about
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Harold Mingertâ"š¬â"ž¢s money and Harold Mingertâ"š¬â"ž¢s car
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Call me what you will
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But non the less I'm still
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In love with Harold Mingert
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Also Arnie Fleisher!
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