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No Thugs In Our House (A Musical In Three Acts By Xtc)
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Cast of characters
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GRAHAM, a teenager
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MOTHER, a busy housewife
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FATHER, a conservative husband
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POLICEMAN, a young constable
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SCENE: A kitchen in suburbia, one bright Saturday morning
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ACT ONE
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Narrator: The insect-headed worker-wife will hang her waspies on the
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Line. Her husband burns his paper, sucks his pipe while studying
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Their cushion-floor, his viscous poly-paste breath comes out. Their
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Wall-paper world is shattered by his shout. A boy in blue is busy
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Banging out a headache on the kitchen door. All the while Graham
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Slept on, dreaming of a world where he could do just what he wanted
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To.
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Mother and Father (in unison): No thugs in our house, are there dear?
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We made that clear, we made little Graham promise us he'd be a good
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Boy. No thugs in our house, are there dear? We made that clear, we
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Made little Graham promise us he'd be a good boy.
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ACT TWO
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Narrator: The young policeman who just can't grow a moustache will
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Open up his book, and spoil their breakfast with reports of Asians who
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Have been so badly kicked.
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Policeman: Is this your son's wallet I've got here? He must have
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Dropped it after too much beer!
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Mother: Oh, officer, we can't believe our little angel is the one
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You've picked.
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Narrator: And all the while Graham slept on, dreaming of a world
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Where he could do just what he wanted to.
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Mother and Father (in unison): No thugs in our house, are there dear?
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We made that clear, we made little Graham promise us he'd be a good
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Boy. No thugs in our house, are there dear? We made that clear, we
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Made little Graham promise us he'd be a good boy.
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Narrator: They never read those pamphlets in his bottom drawer.
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Policeman: They never read that tattoo on his arm.
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Narrator: They thought that was just a boys club badge he wore.
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Policeman: They never thought he'd do folks any harm.
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ACT THREE
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Narrator: The insect-headed worker-wife will hang her waspies on the
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Line. She's singing something stale and simple now this business has
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Fizzled out. Her little tune is such a happy song. Her son is
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Innocent, he can't do wrong, 'cos Dad's a judge and knows exactly what
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The job of judging's all about. And all the while Graham slept on,
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Dreaming of a world where he could do just what he wanted to.
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Mother and Father (in unison): No thugs in our house, are there dear?
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We made that clear, we made little Graham promise us he'd be a good
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Boy. No thugs in our house, are there dear? We made that clear, we
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Made little Graham promise us he'd be a good boy.
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Mother: No thugs in our house!
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Father: No thugs in our house!
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Complete cast (in unison): No thugs in our house, dear!
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Set Design by Andy Partridge with co-ordination by Ken Ansell.
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Stage and Scenery by Art Dragon
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