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Badtimes
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Laika
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1
If you receive an e-mail with a subject of "Badtimes", delete it immediately
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WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous e-mail virus yet.
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It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any
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disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your
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refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts. It will
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demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up the tracking on
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your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to render any CDs you try to play
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unreadable.
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It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix
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antifreeze into your fishtank. It will drink all your beer and leave its
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socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming over. It will put
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a dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit and hide your car keys
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when you are late for work.
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Badtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give you
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nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your gas tank and
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shave off both your eyebrows while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind
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your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to your Visa card.
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It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is
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the power of Badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things
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we hold most dear.
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It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it. It will
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kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on your boss's voice mail
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in your voice!
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It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is
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also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
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Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up.
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It will make a batch of methamphetamine in your bathtub and then leave bacon
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cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase high school kids with your
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new snowblower. These are just a few of the signs. Be very, very careful!
LIKA - Melodic House in Finnish forest /...
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