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Stephen Lynch
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1
Stephen:I have to redo the vocals for Medieval Bush.
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Friends: Why?
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Stephen: Cause I said 1570's muff instead of 1470's muff and the medieval period ended at the beginning of the 16th century.
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Friends: Wait! So how do you know this?
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Stephen: Cause I used to be a teacher.
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Friends: (laugh)You used to be a teacher?
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Stephen: Yes
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Friend: Professor?
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Stephen: No, I taught elementary school and I got fired for I had an unorthodox way of teaching. In which I would bring my guitar in and sing the lessons to the kids.
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Friend: Of course you did.
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Stephen: Okay, okay let me find a lesson for you...Ben Franklin
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"Ben Franklin went out one night,
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tied a key to the end of a kite,
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electricity struck so bright,
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write it down muthafuckas"
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Friends: You called the kids motherfuckers?
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Stephen: Some of them were motherfuckers yes.
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Friends: Science
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Stephen: Um...
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"Issac Newton sat under a tree,
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an apple hit him in the head so he,
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said holy shit thats gravity,
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so write it down muthafuckas"
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I have a million of theses.
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Friends: Pilgrims
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Stephen: Okay....hey....
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"Pilgrims raced against the clock,
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lookin for a place to dock,
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they said fuck it here's Plymouth Rock,
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write it down muthafuckas."
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Friends: I don't like the fact that you are implying that the pilgrims were lazy.
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Stephen: Im not implying anything.
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Friend: Wright Brothers
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Stephen: Uh....
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" A dude named Orville Wright,
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told his brother lets invinflight,
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so Wilbur said "ight",
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write it down muthafuckas"
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Yes, he said "ight"
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Friend: Wilbur said "ight"?
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Stephen: In my story he did.
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Friend: Wilbur was street in your story?
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Stephen: Yes
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Friend: Word
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Stephen: See, you can't stump me
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Friend: Slavery?
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Stephen: Uh there is nothing funny about slavery...well...
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"Abe Lincoln lead the nation,
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freed slaves form the plantations,
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inmansa-muthafucka-proclamation,
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write it down anaem-ops."
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Friend: Gandhi!
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Stephen:Uh...I did not have one for him. Uh...hold on, hold on. Gandhi...Uh...alright.
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(slowly) "Gandhi is what you said,
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an Indian with a bald head,
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he was a bit under fed,
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write is down muthafuckas!"
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Fried from that job!
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Friend: Your a genius.
Stephen Lynch ~ Gerbil
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