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Stephen Lynch
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1
I call you from my car to say, "I'll be there in awhile,"
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A short plane ride and I will get to see your pretty smile.
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Nothing on the radio, I fiddle with the dial,
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Then I see a sign, the airport's just another mile.
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I check my bags and think about how much I hate to fly.
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And as I near security, I almost start to cry.
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Well, I hope the law enforcement agents can't tell from my face,
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I've got 3 balloons of coke in an uncomfortable place.
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I'm sweating and I'm nervous and I need a little air,
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Cause with 4 balloons of heroin, it's getting crowded up in there.
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Crowded up in there.
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My mind is all a jumble and my blood is cold as ice,
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I dread the thought of having to unload this merchandise.
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"Relax," I say, "It's not so bad, it might feel kinda nice.
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Besides, who hasn't a finger up there once or twice?"
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I must remember, don't leave any drugs inside the host,
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I did that once and a girl who tossed my salad overdosed!
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Well, I say a little prayer, Hail Maria Full of Grace,
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I've got 3 balloons of coke in an uncomfortable place.
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I'm sweating and I'm nervous and I need a little air,
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And I swear I'm farting lines of blow into my underwear,
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From my derriere.
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I was a little eager when I loaded up my stash,
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5 balloons of ecstasy and 6 balloons of hash.
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8 balloons of LSD and 9 of Sensimil.
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A box of Chinese fireworks, Guatemalan child.
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I made it to my gate now and my joy I can't contain,
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I board the aircraft and take my seat in the cockpit of the plane!
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As I taxi down the runway, I get a smile on my face,
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I've got 3 balloons of coke in an uncomfortable place.
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Flight crew, prepare for takeoff, as I lift us into air,
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And, by the way, does anyone want to by Guatemalan child?
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From my derriere.
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I got 3 balloons.
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Uh, I got 3 balloons.
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Oooh, I got 3 balloons!
Stephen Lynch - Special Ed
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