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Existential Blues
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1
Hey, man, what are you really into, huh?
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The elusive butterfly has just tip-toed past my door.
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My buddy likes the Yankees; she says "Hey, T-Bone, what's the score?"
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And I say, "Well, Reggie got 1 in 1 in 3, and 25 is 6 to 4."
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Is the left-wing really pinko? Colonel Sanders, what a bore!
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You ask so many questions, what answers should I choose?
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Is this schizoid paranoia, or just existential blues?
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The amenities of life have been chasing my soul,
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And my mind is transcendental, and I'm losing all control,
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And I'm sinking in the quagmire of illusions and Thoreau,
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I cry out, "My name is T-Bone!" as a hound dog digs a hole.
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You ask so many questions, what answers should I choose?
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Is this Plato's heebie-jeebies, or just existential blues?
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Sailing, sailing, what is 'lusion? What is tru-ue?
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Sailing, sailing, over the existential blues.
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God bless America, and Old Glory too!
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May she always wave o'er us with the red, white, and existential blues!
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Hey, ba-ba-de-ba-ba-da-ba-da-da,
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Ba-de-bom-ba-de-bom--ba-ding-a-ding-ding ding-existential blues.
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Hey, you can do what you want but lay off my existential blues!
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My blue suede existential blues!
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[Spoken:]
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I was on a quest!
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To dream the impossible dream.
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Walking down the road one day, doo-dah, doo-dah,
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I was walking down the road, I was looking for the truth of life,
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When I came across all these little people, little people
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Little people all around me.
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They looked up at me and said, "Hey, mister, are you tall?"
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I said, "Yes, I'm tall, but who are you weird little wonders?"
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And they looked up at me with their big, red, bloodshot eyes and said:
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We are the lollipop kids, the lollipop kids,
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The lollipop kids.
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We are the lollipop kids!
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And we'd like to welcome you to Munchkinland!
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I said, "Hey! Hey, weird little wonders, I am on a quest
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To dream the impossible dream.
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Walking down the road one day, doo-dah, doo-dah,
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I said, "Hey kids, I'm looking for the truth of life.
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Where do I go, who do I see?"
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They said, "Slow down, mister, in order to find the truth of life,
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one must see THE WIZARD!"
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I said, "THE WIZARD? Well, where does this wizard, old wise one, live?"
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They said, "You see the big, green, glow-in-the-dark house up on the hill?"
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I said, "Yes, I see the big, green, glow-in-the-dark house up on the hill.
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There's a big, dark forest between me and the big, green, glow-in-the-dark house up on the hill.
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And a little old lady on a Hoover vacuum cleaner going
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"I'll get you, my little pretty, and your little dog, Toto, too!".
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I don't even have a little dog, Toto."
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Such predicaments, I must forge ahead!
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To dream the impossible dream.
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Walking down the road one day, doo-dah, doo-dah.
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I must find the truth of life.
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I said, "But you know, kids, I can handle a big, green, glow-in-the-dark house up on the hill,
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I can handle a darn forest,
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I can handle the little old lady,
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But that's a very strange road you're sending me down!
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I've seen yellow stripes in the middle of a road before, but kids, uh, never quite that wide!"
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All right, tighten your shorts pilgrim, and sing like da Duke.
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Follow the yellow brick road (Come on)
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Follow the yellow brick road (Everybody sing)
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Follow, follow, follow, follow,
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Follow the yellow brick road
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If ever a wonderful wiz there was,
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The Wizard of Oz is one because,
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Because, because, because, because, because,
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Because of the wonderful things he does!
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La-la-la-la-la-la-la, ha-ha!
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We're off to see the wizard,
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The wonderful Wizard of Oz!
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Wellllll, I got a little bit tired of
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Walking down the road one day, doo-dah, doo-dah.
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I got a little bit tired of walking down this old blinding yellow road,
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So pulled my little tired old body off to a little rest area
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And lo and behold there's a little field of little red flowers out there,
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And they, heh, smelled so good. Whoa.
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I was gettin' pretty tired and they smelled so good, and I
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Figured, well, I'll just stretch out in this little field of
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POPPIES! POPPIES! POPPIES! poppies!
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(Cough)
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Hey, what a strange dream, man!
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The little flowers, they smell awfully good, and I was pretty tired.
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The old wizard's just gonna have to wait, man, because I'm just gonna
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Stretch out again in the little field of
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POPPIES! POPPIES! POPPIES!
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OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD!
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Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy!
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(SNIFFFFFFF)
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DOROTHY! DOROTHY! DOROTHY!
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Dorothy's been coppin' this field all to herself, man.
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Along came this old man in a green El Dorado II, screeched to a halt,
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A little short man with a big red nose
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Toking a bottle of Yukon Jack
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Strolled up to me and said, "Hey, son."
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I said, "Old man, don't bother me. POPPIES, MMMMMMMMM!"
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He said, "T-Bone!"
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I said, "Wait a minute, this old man knows my name, he must be
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THE WIZARD!"
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He must be the Wizard,
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The Wizard of Oz.
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Why have you come to haunt me?
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Oh, Wizard of Oz.
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I said, "Oh, Wizard, old wise one, I have been on a quest
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To dream the impossible dream
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Walking down the road one day, doo-dah, doo-dah
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And I met these little people
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We are the lollipop kids, the lollipop kids, the lollipop kids,
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Follow the yellow brick road
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Follow, follow, follow
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I got tired
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POPPIES! POPPIES!
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Little old man, I've been through hell!"
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He said, "Hey, son, slow down, relax."
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I said, "But, wizard, old wise one, I have come so far to find the truth of life!"
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He says, "Hey, son, slow down, relax."
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He said, "To tell you the truth, son..."
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I said, "Wizard, that's what I've come to find is the truth."
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He said, "No, no, no, son, you've got me all wrong. Heh heh.
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To tell you the truth, son...uh...how can I tell you this? Uh...
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I've been in this field of poppies a long time myself, and I've come to find, son, that the only truth in life is right here in this bottle."
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I said, "Wizard!"
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He said, "No, truly, son. In fact, I'd rather have this bottle in front of me than A FRONTAL LOBOTOMY!"
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How profound, Wizard!
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Some girl with psychic power, she said, "T-Bone, what's your sign?"
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I blink and answer, "Neon!" I thought I'd blow her mind.
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She's reading Moby Dick by some fruitcake named Herman,
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She's chomping on a knockwurst, was the duchess really German?
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You ask so many questions, what answers should I choose?
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Is this really Butte, Montana, or just existential blues?
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Really Butte, Montana?
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Is this Plato's heebie-jeebies?
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Is this schizoid paranoia?
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(Star Trek-like sound effects)
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La-la-la-la-la-la-la, existential blu-uu-uuuuu-ues!
Existential Blues
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