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Fishin' Hole
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Stephen Lynch
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1
Wanna have some quality time with my son
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So I brought him down to the fishin' hole
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Didn't like the feelin' of that worm in his hand
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Got mad, threw down his fishin' pole
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Said, "That's alright, son. Let's go and get an ice cream"
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"Let your old man buy you a treat"
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But he didn't like no flavors up upon that wall
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Started crying, and ran into the street...
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He's an asshole, my kid's an asshole
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I swear it just don't float my boat
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Always crying, always crying
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Made me wanna punch him in his little throat
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Called my lady up to tell her what had happened
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How our son had run away
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She said, "Don't worry, baby, I will talk to him"
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"And everything will be okay"
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My lady's an asshole, she's an asshole
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Her assholishness is off the charts
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Always perfect, always perfect
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Made me wanna punch her in her lady-parts
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I decided I'd go down to the bar
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And drown my sorrows in a beer
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But the sign outside said 'Closed For Renovations'
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'We'll open up again next year'...
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That bar is an asshole, it's an asshole
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Oh, the worst bar in the land!
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Always closing, always closing
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Can't punch a bar, cause you'll hurt your hand
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I went home to forget about my troubles
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Sat down in my favorite eazy chair
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But I couldn't relax from the pain I was feelin'
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As my hemorrhoid began to flair...
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My asshole's an asshole, a real butthole
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Needs to put his asshole-self in check!
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Always burning, always itching
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Made me wanna punch him in his asshole neck
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Late one night, lyin' awake in bed
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Mmmm, a realization came
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Are there really assholes everywhere I look?
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Or am I the one to blame?
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Maybe I just do not say the things I should say
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And I don't do the things I ought
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So I took a good, hard look at myself in the mirror
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And this is what I thought...
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The guy who sold me this mirror is an asshole, he's an asshole
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Son of a bitch said it was antique
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He was lyin', he was lyin'
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Made me wanna punch him in his salesman cheek
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I'm on a real asshole streak
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I could open up an asshole boutique
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I think this song has reached its peak
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Goodbye, you assholes, see you next week!
Stephen Lynch - Fishin' Hole [3 Balloons...
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