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John Darnielle
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Brook Pridemore
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1
The prettiest girl in the whole rotten world
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Is a waitress in a strip club that also sells eggs
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And she's a practicing lawyer, and all the dumb local yokels
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Make their dumbass remarks and she picks up the dregs
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She's got the achiest, breakiest heart that I've ever seen
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And they don't sell condoms in the condom machine
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The saddest little boy in all of Detroit
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Rides a broken-down ten-speed to the store in the rain
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For milk, eggs and smokes, and his dad is a pederast
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And he takes him out back when he needs someone to blame
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He's got the achiest, breakiest heart that I've ever seen
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And they don't sell condoms in the condom machine
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And I'm a cranky old man with a hand-painted sign that says
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"The US should get out of UN, now"
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And I'm shaking my fist at the hipsters and syndaclists
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Who care what I think what they care anyhow
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And my wife is a bulldog with a very long leash
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And she's barking all night at the hole in my head that says
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"We're running out of time, yeah we are almost out of time"
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And I am hedging my bets that we're better off dead
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And her face turns red as my liver turns green
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They don't sell condoms in the condom machine
the mountain goats - no children
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