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Three Balloons
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Stephen Lynch
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1
I call you from my car to say I'll be there in awhile
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A short plan ride and I will get to see your pretty smile.
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There's nothing on the radio; I'd fiddled the dial
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Then I see a sign: the airport is just another mile
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I check my bags and think about how much I hate to fly,
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And as I near security I almost start to cry.
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Well I hope the law enforcement agent's can't tell from my face,
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I got three balloons of coke in an uncomfortable place.
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I'm sweating and I'm nervous and I need a little air,
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'Cuz with four balloons of heroin, it's getting crowded up in there.
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Crowded up in there.
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My mind is all a-jumble and my blood is cold as ice.
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I dread the thought of having to unload this merchandise.
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Relax, I say, it's not so bad; it might be kinda nice,
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Besides who hasn't had a finger up there once or twice.
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I must remember don't leave any drugs inside the host;
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I did that once and a girl who tossed my salad overdosed.
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Well I say a little prayer "Hail Maria Full Of Grace",
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I've got three balloons of coke in an uncomfortable place.
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I'm sweating and I'm nervous and I need a little air,
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And i swear i'm farting lines of blow into my underwear.
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Ooh, from my derriere.
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I was a little eager when I loaded up my stash
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Five balloons of ecstacy, six balloons of hash,
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Eight balloons of LSD, nine of sexy mild,
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A box of Chinese fireworks, a Guatemalan child.
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I made it to the gate and now my joy I can't contain.
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I board the aircraft, take my seat in the cockpit of the plane-
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As I taxi down the runway I get a smile on my face,
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And I've got three baloons of coke in an uncomfortable place.
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Flight crew, prepare for takeoff, as I lift us the air,
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And by the way does anyone want to buy a Guatemalan child.
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Oh, from my derriere.
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I got Three balloons...
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I got Three balloons...
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I got Three balloons...
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