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Down To The Old Pub Instead
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Stephen Lynch
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1
Lad, it's your duty to find ye a lass
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With child-bearing hips and a pink, supple ass
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And make her your wife and love her with love so true
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Now some rivers run high, some rivers run low
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When her river runs red, then she's starting her flow
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And it's called menstr'ation, and here's what it means to you
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You will notice her bloomers are spotty at first
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Stand back - her ovarian dam's gonna burst
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Son, don't be afraid, it's a natural t'ing
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Just wad up some cotton and hand her some string
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Put the old linens on top of the bed
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Get out of the house and go down to the old pub instead
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She'll retain her water, her breasts will be tender
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And every third word that you say will offend her
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Get out of the house and go down to the old pub instead
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And she'll want to make love - if you do, you're a fool
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'Cause you'll only end up with a bloody O'Toole
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Get out of the house - down to the old pub instead
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And she'll want you to sample the fruit of her loins
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But son, it'll taste like some old rusty coins
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So turn off the light, boy, and take off your hat
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And drop to your knees, say a prayer to Saint Pat
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Then he'll give you the strength to get out of the bed
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And for Ireland's sake, go down to the old pub instead
Stephen Lynch - Down to the old Pub inst...
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