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Dwarf Documentary
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Simon Bookish
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I hide in a log cabin
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With a large group of strangers.
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We don't know what's outside,
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But it's making us pretty nervous.
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Channel Four make a terrible fuss
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About appointing a dwarf
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To present all of their children's programmes.
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He turns out to be really, rather good;
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Exceptionally engaging and handsome.
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A long-term documentary of his life is commissioned.
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I go to the park:
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It's very bright and looks like plastic -
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Like a cartoon.
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The grass is very green, and the sky is very blue,
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And the ducks have left a lot of duckshit
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All over a little island in the river.
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I sit on the grass
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And explain to George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld
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How ducks stand on one leg,
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To avoid getting shit on both feet.
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They're very interested and ask me to demonstrate.
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In the supermarket I buy
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Weird fluffy toys for my little brother.
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They all have ineffectual limbs, grey threadbare fur,
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An irregular number of eyes and ears.
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I am delighted that the supermarket stocks them,
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Since I know that my brother has real-life creatures like this
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Living in his backyard.
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I wonder about barefoot in the duckshit,
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Then feel guilty because I promised my friends in the log cabin
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I wouldn't talk to George Bush,
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And, now, I have.
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The dwarf on Channel Four has grown old;
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He resembles a miniature Edith Sitwell,
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With his headscarf and sunken cheeks,
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And he's apparently now an iconic figure in the art world.
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He's been asked to appear to appear on the catwalk show
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With Vivian Westward's new collection,
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And Channel Four will be covering the event for the documentary,
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Naturally.
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1 - ha, ha, ha - wow
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My father and I
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Have a ridiculously melodramatic argument.
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We're both like Laurence Olivier doing Greek tradegy:
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All flailing arms and accusatory eyes.
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The lighting is suitably stark;
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We're spotlit from below.
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All of the clothes are black and yellow,
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Striking geometric patterns on enormous angular outfits.
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Westward explains to the camera that,
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If she can see the faces of the people in the audience,
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She gets nervous,
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So everyone has had to come
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Wearing an animal head over their evening wear.
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The camera pans out for the last shot.
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1 - ha, ha, ha - wow
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