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Bobby Bare
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1
I was sittin' in Friday's suckin' on a glass of wine
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When in walked a chick who almost struck me blind
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Had wet blue eyes and her legs were long and fine
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On a scale of one to ten, I'd give her a nine.
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Now on my scale there ain't no ten's, you know
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Nine is about as far as any chick can go
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So I flashed her a smile, but she didn't even look at me
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So for brains and good judgement, I'd give her a three.
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I said, "Hey sweet thing, you look like a possible eight
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You and me could, uh! make eighteen, if your head's on straight."
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She looked up and down my perfect frame
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And said these words that burned into my perfect brain.
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She said, well, another one of those macho-matician men
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Kind who grade all women on scales of one to ten
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And, you give me an eight, well, that's a generous thing to do
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Now, let's just see, just how much I give you.
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She said you comin' on to me with that phony numbers jive
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Your style makes me smile, I give it a five
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When you walked up I noticed that suit of (yores)
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It's last year's double-knit frayed-cuffs, give it a four.
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That must be your car parked out on the curb
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That sixty-nine homemade convertible, a three and a third
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Now, as for your build, I guess (yore) less than five
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Except, for your pot belly, I'd give that a ten for size.
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That wine you're pourin' might be fine to you
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But I'm used to fine champagne, I give it a two
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It's hard to tell what your flashin' smile is worth
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I give it a six, you could use some dental work.
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But, It's your struttin' rooster act that really makes me laugh
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It may be a ten to these country hens, but to me a three and a half
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And there really ain't much to add once the subtractin's done
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Since there ain't no zeroes, I give you a one!.
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She walked out, while up and down the line
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The whole bar was laughin', said' Bare, what happened to your nine
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Nine says I, hell soon as she started to talk I knew
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She didn't have no class, I barely gave her a two.
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Spoken:
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Yeah! No matter how good they look at first
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There's flaws in all of them
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That's why on a scale of ten to one, friend
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There ain't no ten.
THE WINNER by BOBBY BARE
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