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Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday [#]
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Brad Paisley
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And now the grand old opera theater proudly presents
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a special holiday edition of the Adventures of the Kung Pao Buckaroos
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Well, it's a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday
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Whatever you do watch what you say
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If you're easily offended well that's okay
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It's a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday
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We catch up with our three cowboys one cold
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December night huddled around the camp fire.
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How 'bout we sing some holiday songs?
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Yeah, hey George, you wanna lead us off?
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Yeah, I got one.
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Oh Chri-biip-mas tree oh Chri-biip-mas tree how lovely are thou branched?
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Why am I getting blipped again?
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Haven't you heard guys? You can't say Chri-biip-mas you gotta say Holiday
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I can't say Chri-biip-mas?
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No you might offend somebody.
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Who is offended by Chri-biip-mas?
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You know you might offend the biiiip and the biiiip and the atheists.
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What?
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Time to politically correct.
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I'll lead this off.
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On the first day of Chri-biip-mas my true love said to me?
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Jimmy, are you listening?
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What?
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You can't say Chri-biip-mas.
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Why not?
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You can say biiiip on the last record.
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Why can't I say Chri-biip-mas?
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I didn't make the rules.
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Hey listen guys, it's not that difficult,
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all you gotta do is change Chri-biip-mas to Holiday.
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You know, instead of saying white Chri-biip-mas, you say
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I'm dreaming of a whi-biiip Holiday.
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Why did I get blipped?
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You've got to say Caucasian.
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So I have to sing, I'm dreaming of a Caucasian holiday?
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Sure, that won't offend anybody.
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Well, it's a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday,
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Whatever you do watch what you say
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If you're easily offended well that's okay
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Why do these people have to feel that way?
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How come they get offended so easily?
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It's a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday
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I'm just trying to come up with a song here.
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Let's sing one together, everybody ready? George?
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Ready.
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Bill your ready?
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I'm ready.
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Jimmy? Jimmy? Jimmy?
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Okay!
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We three kings of biiiiiiiiip are bearing gifts we've traveled real far
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Sorry boys, you have to say Asia now.
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What?
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Oh, come on just try.
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We three kings of Asia are
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That sounds like horse biiiip
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Oh lord, okay. How 'bout Little Drummer boy?
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Nope, that offends short people.
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And you can't say drummer 'cause that will offend real musicians.
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How 'bout little town of meddle hell.
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What's this with all the short jokes?
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Hey how 'bout we do Silent Night?
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No, it'll offend people who's hard to hear and afraid of the dark.
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What did he say about a shark?
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Shark?
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This happens every year.
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Well, it's a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday,
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Whatever you do watch what you say,
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If you're easily offended well that's okay,
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It's a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday.
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Hohoho!
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No.
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I can't say ho?
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No you might offend some women.
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So basically we can't sing anything?
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I think that a bunch of bull biiiip.
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Softer George it's more effective.
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I think that a bunch of bull biiiip.
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You now what? I don't care who we offend,
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I'm gonna sing Chri-biip-mas carols if I wanna sing Chri-biip-mas carols.
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Louder man it's more effective.
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I don't care who we offend,
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I'm gonna sing Chri-biip-mas carols if I wanna sing Chri-biip-mas carols.
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Me too.
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We wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas, we wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas,
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we wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas, and a happy ne-biip year.
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We can't say new, it'll offend the old folks.
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And you never wanna offend them.
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![Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday [#] album art](/images/albums/c9/46/brad-paisley-brad-paisley-christmas-deluxe-version.jpg)