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Fat Children
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Tim Minchin
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1
Do not feed doughnuts to your obese children
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You will regret it when they're in their teens
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Maccas might shut them up now that they're seven
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But they won't forgive you when
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They're getting picked last for PE
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Don't you see?
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Boombalata motherfucker
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Have you noticed that yo kids are fat?
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What are you going to do about that?
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What are you going to do?
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So you telling me that your family
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Has a history of obesity
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You got a wire loose in your pituitary
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It's just the way that God made me
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It's unlikely, statistically
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To be a physical thing
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But either way it don't explain why you
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Are in the cue at Burger King
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You can blame it on biology
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You can blame your physiology
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You can point to genealogy
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And your social anthropology
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You can say you are an ectomorph
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That you just can't get the kilos orf
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Well you can be what you wanna be
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But stop feeding that boy KFC
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He weighs 30 kilos and he's only three
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He looks like a clean-shaven Pavarotti
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Switching to Diet Coke is not the way back
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Boombalata motherfucker
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Your kid's a fat, have you noticed that?
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Your 5 year old princess in her size 14 tutu
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Only eats pizza like that because you do
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And you, ought to be ashamed
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For you have only got yourself to blame
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Will be dead of a heart attack
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Before your grandchildren are ten
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Perhaps you'll consider
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A cut-back on extra fries then
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Boombalata kiddie-stuffer
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Have you noticed that your kids are fat?
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What are you gonna do about that?
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What are you gonna do?
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So you�re telling me that your family
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Has a history of obesity
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You got the polycystic ovaries
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Your mum had childhood diabetes
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But � and in your case
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There's a fucking big butt
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Do you think it's an appropriate treat
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The all-you-can-eat at Pizza Hut?
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There's no excuse you silly goose
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For a child with a caboose
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Like a moose who�s eaten too much mousse
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It�s tantamount to child abuse
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Kick them off the fucking couch
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Unplug the Playstation
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Send them down to the park
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If they don�t wanna go, make 'em
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Tell them they have to jog
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Until their jogging shorts fit 'em
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If they hesitate, ask firmly
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If they still resist, hit 'em
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Is this what you want for your girl and your guy?
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These chips off the pork chop, for the toffee apples of your eye?
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Kit Kats in value packs are not the way back
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Boombalata Motherfucker
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Your kids are fat, did ya notice that?
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And you, you should feel ashamed
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For you have only got yourself to blame
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Your 6 year old miniature Jabba the Hut
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Eating half melted Mars Bars from the folds of his gut
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He'll be looking for a kidney
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Before your grandchildren are ten
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Perhaps you'll consider
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A cut-back on Taco Bell then
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Perhaps you'll consider
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A cut-back on Krispy Kreme doughnuts
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And Popcorn in bucket-sized boxes
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And microwave pizza or drive through McDonalds
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For weeknightly dinners in front of the TV
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And notes to the phys-ed instructor saying
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Timmy has asthma but he really just gets short of breath
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Cos he's 35 kilos above the ideal weight
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Of 35 kilos for a nine year old boy
Tim Minchin - Fat Children (with Lyrics)
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