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Talking Plane Disaster
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Phil Ochs
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Well, once I heard some people say, "If you gotta travel
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There's just one way, you gotta leave the ground, gotta go
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Through the air, gotta find a pilot and pay your fare
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You gotta sail through the sky in other words, you gotta fly"
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Yes, statistics show it's the way to go
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Well, it's safer than your car, you know
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It's safer than your home, safer than your street
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About the safes place to put your feet
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Statistics don't lie, but statistics don't die, either
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Well, once I heard Bob Dylan say
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You gotta take a train, it's the only way
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Well, nothin' ever happens to trains at all
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There was just one accident he could recall
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A plane crashed into it
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People flying in all directions, then
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One day when the sky was blue
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I boarded a plane and off we flew
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Looked out the window, insurance in my hand
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Just like Columbus searching searching for land
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Swearin' I'd never fly again, just like the last time
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Then one of the stewardesses ambled by
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And suddenly I wasn't afraid to die
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She brought me coffee, pillows and tea
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Said, "You're as safe as you can be"
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Said there's nothing to worry about
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Then she flew out the door
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Somebody forgot to close right
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The plane kept going higher and higher
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I could swear both the wings were on fire
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So I opened the cockpit door
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And the pilot was layin' on the floor
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With the other stewardess
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She said, "Fly now and pay later"
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Then the plane dropped down about a mile or two
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She lurched about, I swore I was through
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My stomach was heavin' it was tied in a knot
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Little paper bag was all I got
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That's the bag I'm in, pilot said we hit an air pocket
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Must've been a pocket with an awful big hole in it
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Well, at last the trip was near the end
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The airport was comin' round the bend
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But all my anxious eyes could see
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Was a thousand planes in the vicinity
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They was landin' and leavin' and wavin' at each other
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Wing to win and brother to brother
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The pilot was swearin' and swervin' around
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But he said, "Don't worry, we have
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Radar somewhere on the ground"
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I wasn't worried I was crawlin' up the aisle
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Screamin', "Jesus Saves"
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The trip didn't do me too much harm
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But I did spend a year on the happy-farm
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They couldn't understand why I kissed the ground
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Chewed the concrete and swallowed it down
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Sure tasted good like La Guardia dirt should
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