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I'm The Greatest Star
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Barbra Streisand
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1
Fanny waits for Eddie to come out of the theatre and
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Tries to explain that she doesn't fit into the chorus
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Because she's got star potential.
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[Fanny:]
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Listen,
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I've got thirty-six expressions--
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Sweet as pie to tough as leather,
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And that's six expressions more
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Than all them Barrymores put together.
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Instead of just kicking me
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Why don't they give me a lift?
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It must be a plot,
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'Cause they're scared that I got
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Such a gift--well, I'm miffed--'cause
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I'm the greatest star--
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I am by far, but no one knows it!
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Wait, they're gonna hear a voice,
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A silver flute--ah hah, ah hah--
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They'll cheer each toot
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(Yay! She's terrific!)
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When I expose it!
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Now, can't you see to look at me
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That I'm a nach'ral Camille?
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As Camille I just feel
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I've so much to offer.
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Kid, I know I'd be divine because
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I'm a nach'ral cougher.
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(coughs)
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Some ain't got it--not a lump,
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I'm a great big clump of talent!
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Laugh!
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They'll bend in half.
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(Did you ever hear the story about the traveling salesman?)
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A thousand jokes:
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Stick around for the jokes,
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A thousand faces.
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I reiterate,
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When you're gifted,
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Then you're gifted,
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These are facts--I got no axe to grind.
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Hey, what are they--blind?
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In all of the world so far
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I'm the greatest star!
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Who is the pip with piz-azz?
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Who is all ginger and jazz?
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Who is as glamorous as?
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Who's an American Beauty rose
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With an American Beauty nose,
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And ten American Beaty toes,
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Eyes on the target, and wham--
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One shot, one gun shot and bam!
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Hey, Mr. Ziegfeld, here I am!
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I'm the greatest star,
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I am by far,
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But no one knows it!
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That's why I was born--
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I'll blow my horn
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Till someone blows it!
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I'll light up like a light
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Right up like a light
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I'll flicker, then flare up
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All the world's gonna stare up
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Lookin' down
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You'll never see me--
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Try the sky,
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'Cause that'll be me.
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I can make 'em cry,
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I can make 'em sigh,
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Someday they'll clamor
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For my dram-er.
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Have you guessed yet,
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Who's the best yet?
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If you ain't I'll tell you one more time.
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You bet your last dime
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In all of the world so far
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I'm the greatest, greatest star!
Barbra Streisand, Céline Dion - Tell Him...
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