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Shaving Brush Boogie
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("hey, Gregs, pick up the old Les Paul")
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Let me tell ya baby
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what to do
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I'll come round your house
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[spunk/spoke/smoke?] in your hair
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'cause I'm a moron
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and I don't care
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Take it down a while
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("Enter Terry Chambers on the [little/bloody?] drum kit, 'ere 'ere [terrificult]. Go bloody boil, Terry. Here he goes Ladies and Gentlemen - this is something you don't see very often, this is Terry Chambers from [unintelligible...] on bloody boil.")
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I'm going to tell ya about my operation ladies and gentlemen now
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I was admitted
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into the hospital
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yes
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and I was admitted to the hospital by an ambulance
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with a siren on the top
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the siren was going (guitar imitation of siren)
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all the way to [the] hospital
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(indistinct shouting in background)
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You're going to have to turn the drums up now for the bass player
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you're going to have to turn the drums up real loud
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turn up the drums for the bass player
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cause he can't hear to get into this
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Take it down a while
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("Ahem, ahem")
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To resume the story ladies and gentlemen
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I was on my way to hospital
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and I was in a ambulance
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and the driver in the ambulance
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turned round to me and he said
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(quizzical guitar riff)
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yes he turned round to me and he said
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(repeat)
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he said, "Son, I haven't worked on the, on the Red Cross
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just to take people like you with shaving brushes stuff up, stuck up your
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rectum to the hospital"
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(guitar riff)
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"yeah I said stuck up your rectum"
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(riff)
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"you got a shaving brush" (riff) "shaving brush" (riff)
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"you got a shaving brush stuck right up your rectum"
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(riff)
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"and I, and I didn't join the Red Cross" (riff)
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"to take people like you to hospital"
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But he said (laughs), he said, he said "I kind of like your face"
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(riff) "and I'm going to take you to" (riff)
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"I'm going to take you to the Colostomy Ward, I'm going to take you to
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Colostomy Ward, in Princess Margaret's Hospital"
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yeah, it was opened in 1967, ladies and gentlemen
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Yeah, we can see Princess Margaret opening this here hospital
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okay Princess, open that fucking hospital baby
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Okay Princess, let's take it down a while
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yeah, huh, yeah
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There was Princess Margaret opening a hospital there folks (giggles)
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Well in any case, this hospital was opened
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back in 1960-something-or-other, by Princess Marguerite
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and she's really sweet you know (giggles), she really [sucks cock]
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Princess Margaret [going down] on a whole damn band
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yeah
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Any case I was traveling in this ambulance, you know
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the one what was going (guitar-siren)
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all the way to the hospital, folks, yeah
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and I, you know I'd been up to some real extra-marital relationships
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with, you know, equipment, like uh, the shaving brush (riff)
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(giggles) the shaving brush (riff)
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well this was my [outing?]
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and I was, I was laid out on the bed
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and my brand-new wife
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that's the one with the long curly hair,
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she said to me "Babe I'm going to give you a real experience
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with this here shaving brush" (riff)
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and she took it and she stuck it in
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(riff) and I... well I liked it but it was only in
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having to go to Princess (riff) Margaret's (riff) hospital
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baby, baby, baby
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Princess Margaret's hospital opened in 1968
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(someone else shouts "One, two, three, four!")
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Well for all you folks out there the record playing and [...] saga
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I [got ?]
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I was admitted to the Outpatients Department
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and I was well and truly impaled
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I said impaled
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and they took me to a private booth
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yeah a private booth
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and a nurse came up to me
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and she saw the shaving brush stickin' out
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and she leaned over for some -
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and she leaned right over a piece of me -
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tongs, she leaned over for some tongs
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and she took them tongs to the shaving brush
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and pulled it out, right out
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of me
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I said she pulled that shaving brush right out
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of me
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[Crank it up]
#POV when the princess is in trouble-her...
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