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That Handsome Devil
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1
People often ask me
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Godforbid they say,
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you're quite the ladies man,
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what's your secret?
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Well,
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You too can be swimmin' in women
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Afloat in seas of ovaries
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But more importantly
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Knowing whether behind those pretty eyes
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You have a diamond in the rough
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Or colored contact lenses and a rough (slipping sound) stripper named Diamond.
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Let's recreate the scene: Make believe you're at a table seat
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Talking playfully to the waitress at your local place to eat
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Way below the apron
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Maybelline,
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smell of eggs and cheese,
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bacon grease,
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she's a babe
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an 8 at least
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You wanna push the plate of quasadillas off the table, and spread them angel's wings,
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but you can't say a thing?
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If you don't do well with women,
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They sell prescription drugs on television
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May cause loss of appetite
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Malnutrition,
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Dizzy spells,
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And different bells were ringing,
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And that's where I come in and give 'em a little extra help to get 'em
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(You can't get)
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You see, confidence is key when entering any situation.
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(In her pants)
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We all have insecurities
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So why not build your confidence on the insecurities of others
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(But you don't)
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Hey, she's gonna (banging sound) somebody
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(Give a damn)
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So why not you!
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The drunker you are,
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The easier it is to get laid,
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But the harder it is to (boing sound)
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You may have to picture what it is this month
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Whoever you been thinking of
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The girl at the Pizza Hut,
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Midgets,
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Nuns,
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Whatever little miss it was.
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And with a little hard work,
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A little luck,
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If you haven't given up,
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Maybe you can get it up!
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Now a (poke sound) is supposed to be fun
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Instant gratification, a roller coaster
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But no one wants to get stuck over and over
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Going home to the roller coaster
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It's hard to watch your shows
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And do your homework
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And when the ride you rode is over
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It'll cost more than a roll of quarters
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(You can't get)
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So pull out!
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I know how warm and good it feels
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(In her pants)
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But it's getting crowded round here
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Please! Pull out!
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(But you don't)
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If it's not the one you wanna stay with
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You can avoid the face,
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(Give a damn)
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But not the abbreviation
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Taking payments from your paycheck
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You can do it! Pull out!
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Men have what I call a Columbus Complex
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Other people may have been there,
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But we still want to feel like we discovered it
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So don't tell the number that you done it with
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Your summers in Columbia
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When you were young and done a bunch of dumber (boing sound)
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Rambunctious kids!
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Wait for the second date to cuff the wrists
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Sponges, rubber gloves, and whips, oven mitts
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Now a well trimmed personal area, that's nice
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But why's she so ready?
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You don't suppose
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That she never knows
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When she might show somebody?
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Now think of that before you go steady,
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Or maybe at your own wedding.
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(You can't get)
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If she's your girlfriend
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Leave her alone with your friends
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(In her pants)
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Now, I don't expect no virgin,
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But let "หem try to screw her
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If she's flirting, or she (cartoon feet sound)
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(But you don't)
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It won't work man,
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Get rid of her
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And get yourself a new girlfriend
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Remember,
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(Give a damn)
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The currency exchange rate,
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At this party she's an 8,
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At the club a 7,
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At my apartment a 10.
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Environment dictates.
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The morning after,
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She may slip to a three
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Cause some things are better just to lust for.
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This concludes the introductory segment of the Godforbid self-help collection
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Hey, sleep with other races
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Help out international relations.
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For further behavioral instructions, consult the nearest strip club, and/or liquor store
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Thank you, and enjoy yourself
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(If it's not the one you want just let it go)
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(This is a good country filled with good people. But what good is good? In times like these.)
That Handsome Devil - Savages (OFFICIAL)
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