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Sweeney Todd
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1
I am Adolfo Pirelli, da king of da barbers
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Da barber of kings
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E buon giorno, good day, I blow you a kiss
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And I da so-famous Pirelli
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I wish-a to know-a who has-a da nerve-a
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To say my elixir is piss? Who says this?
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I do, I am Mr. Sweeney Todd
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And I have opened a bottle of Pirelli's Elixir
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And I say to you, it is nothing but an arrant fraud
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Concocted from piss and ink
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He's right, phew
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Better to throw your money down the sewer
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Ladies and gentlemen
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Pay no attention to that madman
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Who's to be the first for a magnificent shave?
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And furthermore, I have serviced no kings
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Yet I wager that I can shave a cheek
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And pull a tooth with ten times more dexterity
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Than any street mountebank
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You see these razors? The finest in England
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I lay them against five pounds, you are no match for me
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You hear me, sir? Either accept my challenge
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Or reveal yourself as a sham, bravo, bravo
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Zees are indeed fine razors
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Instruments like zees once seen
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Cannot be soon forgotten, and a fine extractor too
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You wager zees against five pounds, sir? I do
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You hear zis foolish man? Watch and see
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How he will regret his folly, five pounds it is
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Friends, neighbors, who's for a free shave?
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Me, Mr. Todd, sir, and me, Mr. Todd, sir
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Over here, bring me a chair
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Boy, bring ze basins, bring ze towels
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Yes, sir, quick
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Will Beadle Bamford be the judge?
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Glad as always to oblige
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My friends and neighbors
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Put it there, ready? Ready, ready
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The fastest, smoothest shave is the winner
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Now, signorini, signori, we mix a da lather
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But first a you gather around, signorini, signori
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You looking a man who have had a
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Da glory to shave-a da Pope
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Mr. Sweeney, so smart
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Oh, I beg-a you pardon
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Call me a lie, was a only a cardinal
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Nope, it was-a da Pope
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Perhaps, signorini, signori
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You like-a I tell-a, da famous-a story
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Of Queen Isabella
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Da Queen of-a Polan
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Whose toot' was-a swollen
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I pull it so nice from her mout'
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That-a though to begin
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She's a screaming-a murder
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She's later-a swoon-a with bliss
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An' was heard-a to shout
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Pull all of 'em out
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To shave-a da face, to pull a da toot'
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Require da grace and not a da brute
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For if-a you slip, you nick da skin
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You clip-a da chin, you rip-a da lip a bit
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And dat's-a da trut'
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To shave-a da face or even a part
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Widout it-a smart require da heart
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It take-a da art, I show you a chart
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I study-a starting in my yout'
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To cut-a da hair, to trim-a da beard
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To make-a da bristle clean like a whistle
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Dis is from early infancy
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Da talent give to me by God
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It take-a da skill, it take-a da brains
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It take-a da will to take-a da pains
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It take-a da pace, it take-a da grace
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The winner is Todd
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Smooth as a baby's arse
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And now who's for a tooth pulling
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Free without charge
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Me, sir, me, sir, who else? No one?
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Then sir, since there is no means
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To test the second skill
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I claim the five pounds
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To which he is entitled, right?
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Wait, one moment, wait
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You, boy, get on that chair
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Me, signor? Oh, not a tooth, sir
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I beg of you, I ain't got a twinge
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Not the tiniest pain, I
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You do now
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We see who is zee victor now
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Zis Mister Todd or zee great Pirelli
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Ready? Ready, ready
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To pull-a da toot' widout-a da skill
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Can damage da root
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Now hold-a da still an' if-a you slip
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You grip a bit, you hit da pit of it
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Or chip-a da do and have-a to fill
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To pull-a da toot' widout-a da grace
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You leave-a da space all over da place
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You try to erase widout-a da trace
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Sometimes is da case you even-a kill
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To hold-a da clamp widout-a da cramp
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Wid all dat saliva, it could-a drive-a you crazy
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Don' mutter or back-a you go to da gutter
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My touch is as light as a butter-a cup
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I take-a da pains, I learn-a da art
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I use-a da brains, I give-a da heart
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I have-a da grace, I win-a da race
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Not a twinge of pain, not a twinge
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The man's a bloody marvel
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The two-time winner, Mr. Sweeney Todd
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Sir, I bow to a skill far defter than my own
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The five pounds
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Here, sir, and may the good Lord smile on you
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Until we meet again
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Come, boy
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Signori, bellissime signorini
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Buon giorno, buon giorno a tutti
Sweeney Todd- Johanna (Reprise) With Lyr...
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