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Aberdeen
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Kurt Cobain
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1
In a community that stresses macho male sexual stories as a highlight of all conversation
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I was an under-developed immature fat little dude that never got laid and was constantly razzed
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"Oh, poor little kid!"
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It bothered me probably more so because I was horny and frequently had to make up stories like
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"Uh, when I went on vacation I met this chick and we fucked and she loved it!"
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Etcetera, etcetera...
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This tipical pubescent problem was an effector during the height of my problems with my father and stepmom
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You know, the tipical wicked-stepmom story
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And so, I moved to both grandparents' and four sets of aunts' and uncles'
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and so forth and so on within the year
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And in eighth grade, my mom had no choice to take me in because my dad packed my stuff
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and drove me to her house in the morning and left me there
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She was pissed
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I accumulated quite a healthy complex, not to mention the complexion
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Then one day I discovered the most ultimate form of expression ever
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Marijuana
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Oh boy! Pot
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I could escape all day long and not have the routine nervous breakdowns once a week
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Only being stoned for the first few times was what I claimed as something I would do for the rest of my life
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And I would practically do anything to ensure my supply of fantastic weed
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Trevor was a guy I hated, but resorted to becoming friends with
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because he was the only person I could get pot from
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He was the kingpin
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Trevor, Ace, John and Derren
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All white-trash, lowlife scums of the Earth According to the jocks, had been going to this girl's house after school, and they invited me
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We got to the door and a very fat girl let us in
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It wasn't obvious to me for over an our that this girl seemed kind of quiet
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Until one of the guys pointed out that she was in a special ed class
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I'm sure a lot of kids would call her a retard and some just slow
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And at the time, and still to this day, I would call her quiet and illiterate but not retarded
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The object of the guys who had be going there for the past month was to steal booze from the downstairs basement den of her house
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While others distracted her by opening covers and doors and returned to eat all the food
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One would go down and take a fifth and then exit out the downstairs
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So we'd do this routine every otherday and got away with it for, oh, about a month
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And during that month it happened to be the epitome of my mental abuse from my mother
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It turned out that pot didn't help me escape my troubles too well anymore
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and I was actually enjoying doing rebellious things like stealing booze and busting store windows and-
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And nothing ever mattered
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I decided within the next month, I'll not sit on my roof and think about jumping
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But I'll actually kill myself
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And I wasn't going out from this world without actually knowing what it was like to get laid
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So one day after school I went to the girl's house alone
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And invited myself in and she offered me some Twinkies
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And I sat on her lap and I said
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"Let's fuck"
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And I touched her tits and she went into her bedroom and got undressed in front of me
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And I watched and realised that it was actually happening
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So I tried to fuck her but I didn't know how
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and I asked her if she had ever done this before
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and she said "A lot of times", mainly with her cousin
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I got grossed out very heavily
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with how her vagina smelled and her sweat reeked
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So I left
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My conscience grew to where
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I couldn't go to school for a week and when I went back I got in-house suspension for skipping
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And that day, the girl's father came in and screaming and accusing someone of taking advantage of his daughter
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And so during lunch, a rumour started, and by the next day
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Everyone was waiting for me to yell and cuss and spit at me and callin' me "the retard-fucker"
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I couldn't handle the ridicule
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So I got high and drunk and walked down to the train tracks and laid down
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And put two big pieces of cement on my chest and legs and I waited for the eleven o'clock train
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And the train came closer and closer and closer
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And it went on the next track besides me instead of over me
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The tension from school had an effect on me and so I couldn't attend the school anymore
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And the train scared me enough to try to rehabilitate myself and my
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My lifting weights and mathematics seemed to be improving so I became less manically depressed
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But still haven't had any friends because I...
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I hated everyone, for they were so phoney
All Animated Scenes | Cobain: Montage Of...
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