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Uncle Don
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Shel Silverstein
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1
My heroes and sweethearts of comic-strip days,
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Where are they all today?
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You say that Dagwood Bumstead died of ulcers?
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From eatin' all those sandwiches at dawn?
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And Blondie's turnin' tricks in San Diego?
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And Mr. Dithers, he's her favorite John?
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And Plastic Man's appearin' in a side show?
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And Sandy's gotten rabies and he bites?
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And I hear tell that Olive Oyl and Wimpy and the Jeep
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Were orgying behind poor Popeye's back.
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Someone said that punchy Joe Palooka
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Now works as a swestlin' referee,
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And Little Goody Two-shoes, she bought some high-heel new shoes
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And she's dancin' topless down in Tennessee.
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You say the Revenooers, they nabbed ol' Snuffy
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For makin' that illegal mountain dew?
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And there's a warrent out for Daddy Warbucks
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For the things he made poor Orphan Annie do?
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But don't tell me that Tonto and the Lone Ranger
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Was doin' anything but fightin' crime,
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Yeah, I know they had no gals, but they was only pals.
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What's that, you say Prince Valiant's doin' time?
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I hear the Human Torch works in a steel mill,
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He had to get himself a steady job,
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While Punjab and the Asp ran a little short of cash,
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They're workin' now as hit men for the Mob.
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Perry Winkle's now a true transvestite.
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Why did his parents make him dress that way?
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And Lamont Cranston spends his time cloudin' people's minds
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And hanging round the Y.W.C.A.
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Dick Tracy, he now works as a night watchman?
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Took a bribe and got thrown off the force?
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And Red Ryder ain't around 'cause he got run out of town
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For doin' somethin' freaky with his horse?
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Rex Morgan, he got busted for abortions
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And Smilin' Jack don't fly much anymore.
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I hear they grabbed his ass with a planeload full of grass
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And Downwind turned him in for the reward.
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Where are they all today, Uncle Don, where are they all today?
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My heroes and sweethearts of comic-strip days,
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Where are they all today?
The Smoke Off-Shel Silverstein
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