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Taco Flavored Kisses
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Jennifer Lopez
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1
Music industry man: What kind of song do you want?
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Jennifer Lopez: Something hot and spicy!
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[melody comes on]
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Jennifer Lopez: Spicier.
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[melody changes]
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Jennifer Lopez: Spicier!
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[spicy melody comes on]
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[Jennifer Lopez (aka Eric Cartman's left hand)]
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Burrito. Taco taco. Burrito. Taco. Taco taco.
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Don't think just because I got a lot of money,
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I'll give you taco-flavored kisses, honey.
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Fulfill all your wishes
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with my taco-flavored kisses.
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Taco taco. Burrito burrito. Taco taco.
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Fulfill all your wishes
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with my taco-flavored kisses! Taco taco.
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[dialogue]
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Music industry dude: She's fantastic! Who is she?
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Different music man: Believe it or not, her name is Jennifer Lopez!
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First guy: That makes sense, she reminds me of J-Lo.
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2nd guy: Yeah, but she's younger and spicier!
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Jennifer Lopez (singing): Taco taco. Burrito burrito. Taco taco.
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2nd guy: I don't think J-Lo would like it very much if we signed this new girl.
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1st guy: No, you're right. We're gonna have to fire J-Lo.
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[melody changes]
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Different guy: All right, Ms. Lopez, let's take it from the top.
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[Jennifer Lopez (aka Eric Cartman's left hand)]
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Baby, let's make a run for the border,
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I've got a hunger only tacos can stop.
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I know exactly what I'll order
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three tacos, two tostadas, and a soda pop.
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[Music industry dude]
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Gentlemen, we have ourselves a hit.
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[Jennifer Lopez (aka Eric Cartman's left hand)]
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I need to make a run for the border.
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If you pay, I'll take off my top.
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Do you remember what I want to order?
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Three tacos, two tostadas, and a soda pop.
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Yea-ah, and don't forget the hot sauce, chulo.
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[dialogue]
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Sexy automobile: *car driving noises*
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Jennifer Lopez: Oh, Ben, I am so happy. The cool breeze blowing through my hair in your sexy automobile.
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Ben Affleck: Let's spend the whole day together!
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[romantic music comes on]
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[Jennifer Lopez (aka Eric Cartman's left hand)]
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Oh, Ben, you are so perfect.
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So spectacularrr in every way.
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You bring light into my life, Ben.
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You almost make me forget all about...tacoos!
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Ooh, tacos so good in my tummy yummy yummy give me more.
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(camera noises in background)
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I love you, Ben, you almost make me forget about.....tacoooos.
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[dialogue]
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Sexy automobile: *car driving noises*
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Ben Affleck: Jenny, I have to tell you something. I...I think I love you.
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Jennifer Lopez: Oh, I love you too, Ben! But...
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Ben Affleck: But what?
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Jennifer Lopez: But what if you still have feelings for the slut with the large ass?
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Sexy automobile: *car stopping noises*
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Ben Affleck: I still care for her, you have so much more going on...up here.
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Jennifer Lopez: Oh, Ben. Ben...
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Ben Affleck: Jenny, can I kiss you?
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Eric Cartman: NO!!
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Jennifer Lopez: Yes, oh yes, Ben, kiss me!
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Eric Cartman: Aw, God damn it!
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*Jen and Ben make out*
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Eric Cartman: Aw, aw, dude!
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Ben Affleck: Mmm, just like tacos.
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Jennifer Lopez: Taco-flavored kisses for my Ben.
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Ben Affleck: You're so hot, baby.
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Jennifer Lopez: I make you hot, Ben?
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Ben Affleck: Mm, yeah.
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*making out continues*
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Ben Affleck: Oh, Jenny. Oh, Jenny!
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*pants unzip, noises occur*
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Jennifer Lopez: Yes...
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Ben Affleck: Oh, God, Jenny!
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Jennifer Lopez: Oh, Ben, my darling!
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Ben Affleck: Oh! Oh! (continues)
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Eric Cartman: Oh, sick! Aw, that's it, we're leaving now!
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Ben Affleck: But I love her!
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Jennifer Lopez: Ben!
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Ben Affleck: Jenny! Jenny, I'll call you!
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Jennifer Lopez: I love you, Ben!
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[music comes on]
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[Jennifer Lopez (aka Eric Cartman)]
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Ooh, baby, baby, can I have your tacos?
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Those tacos sure look good!
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I'm just Jenny from the hood!
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Ooh, can I have your tacos?
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Ooh, I--
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Oh, stop, stop!
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(music stops)
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What the hell is wrong with you!?
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You chulos can't even keep a beat!
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I deserve better than this!
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I am Hennifer Hlopez!
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Where's my water?
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Not Evian, Pellegrino you stupid bitch!!
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(music industry man whimpers)
"Taco-Flavored Kisses" (Official Video) ...
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