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I'm Single
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Deirdre Flint
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1
Oh, ho, I'm single and my life's about me again
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That woman long neglected, I'll find out who I am
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Oh, ho I'm single. I'm single and I'm loving it
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I have taken up old hobbies, I have no time for a man
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I'll call up my old friends, the ones that I once knew
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So we can bond again, just like we used to do
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You're married with two kids, oh gee
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Well, that's too bad for you
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Because I'm single, I am woman I am goddess
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I've always loved fried green tomatoes
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So, it was always meant to be
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I feel my rebirth, I'll find a female soul mate
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We'll take off for the country, just like Thelma and Louise
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I've called up every household in phone books A through Z
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To find another goddess to share my destiny
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And now I'm quite convinced, the only single one is me
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When I buy poultry, two thirds of it goes rotten
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I correspond with inmates and I don't comb my hair
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They've claimed my two legs as federally owned forest
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It's been months since I've shaved them
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Cause there's been no one here to care
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They call me nasty names at every corner bar
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I need to see a shrink, this thing has gone too far
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Last night I threw myself down stairs just for the C.P.R.
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Oh, ho, I'm single and I'm not hearing voices
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You say that cause you're jealous of all the fun I've had
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Wait, I'm not single. I've got some special friends now
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We live in here together and I don't feel so bad
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I have a female soul mate, her name is Emily
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Don't tell me you don't see her, she's standing next to me
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And she doesn't call me sick or weird or deranged mentally
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Just cause I'm single
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