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Two Noses
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1
I'm a happy guy
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I've got a happy life
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Two happy kids
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And a happy wife
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Flowers are blooming
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It's a beautiful day
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I've got an upper class job
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With upper class pay
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But I've got a little problem
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You see, with me
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A major physical deformity
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It takes me twice as long
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To stop and smell the roses
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'Cause I've had to live my life
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Having two noses kids understand
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They think it's neat
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At birthday parties
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I'm an added treat
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Wife loves me for my mind
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Doesn't care about my looks
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She's so damn kind
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It's really no fun
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When the nostrils
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Of both noses run
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Yeah, that really sucks
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And when I think back
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To my days of grammar school
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I was the one who got picked on
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When the kids were being cruel
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A major problem in high school
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Was if you had acne tell you
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Pinocchio had nothing on me
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Summer, I used a surplus of zinc oxide
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Spring, allergy season caused me to hide
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Winter would come along and noses would freeze
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Autumn was not so bad
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The smell of burning leaves
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Paid real well
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So my job's okay
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I'm the head tester
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Of nasal spray
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Boss thinks I'm weird
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But I don't care
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I just do my job
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And I'm outta there
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I'll fill you in on
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What's my personal hell
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When someone farts
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I get twice the smell
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Another duty that can prove
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To be a scare is when
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I have to trim my nostril hair
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Just so you know
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It's in my head
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I'll get a nose job
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Before I'm dead
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Years of planning have gone into this
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I'll get the left nose trimmed
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'Cause it's too big, yeah
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I've got to get that taken care of
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You know you put your left nose in
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You put your left nose out
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And you put your left nose in
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And then you shake it all about
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You do the hokey pokey
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And you turn yourself around
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That's what it's all about
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I've got two noses
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I've got two noses
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Why'd this have to happen to me
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