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Hollow Name
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1
I've made an idol out of self-loathing. I detest my abhorrent ways.
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I'm wandering a labyrinth I'll never escape.
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I've made my bed among the tombs of kings.
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I'm led to my death by my idle wanderings.
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I'm counting down the days until you turn your back on me.
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With this veil over my eyes, I can hardly see.
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The knowledge I've gained leaves a bitter taste on my tongue,
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and I won't find worth in any of these songs I've sung.
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My throat is an open grave as I try to find meaning in my hollow name.
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I've come to learn there's a death sentence on me,
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but I'll keep drawing out my own misery.
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I'll turn my back and thrive in addiction. My pure ambitions will surely fade.
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Maybe I'll sink through the cold ground and recede into a state
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of nonexistence.
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You'll watch me choke on reality; the truth fills up my lungs.
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I have a sickness.
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I despise myself.
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Apathy tries to numb my pain, regret envelops me again. I can't make sense
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of this; I can't see your face. Unbounded love surrounds me yet I'm in a pit
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of self-condemnation, because I am truly nothing. I could be rescued and
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embraced, but my own hatred has me stubbornly chained to the unmoving
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ground because I deserve death.
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I don't deserve life, I don't deserve redemption. I deserve to be abandoned,
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to suffer in my shame.
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I don't deserve your grace.
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