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La Vie Boheme (Life Cafe)
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Various Artists
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Various Artists
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Rent Soundtrack, Cast Recording
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La Vie Boheme (Life Cafe)
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(Downstage right, the PRINCIPALS have lined up and are waiting to
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be seated. A large table is situated down center. Down and to the
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right, BENNY and MR. GREY are seated at a smaller table. The
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RESTAURANT MAN tries to shoo our friends out.)
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RESTAURANT MAN
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No please no
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Not tonight please no
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Mister -- can't you go --
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Not tonight -- can't have a scene
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ROGER
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What?
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RESTAURANT MAN
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Go, please go;
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You -- Hello, sir --
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I said, "No"
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Important customer
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MARK
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What am I -- just a blur?
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RESTAURANT MAN
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You sit all night -- you never buy!
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MARK
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That's a lie -- that's a lie
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I had a tea the other day
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RESTAURANT MAN
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You couldn't pay
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MARK
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Oh yeah
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COLLINS
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Benjamin Coffin III -- here?
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RESTAURANT MAN
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Oh no!
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ALL
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Wine and beer!
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MAUREEN
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The enemy of Avenue A
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We'll stay
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(They sit.)
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RESTAURANT MAN
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Oy vey!
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COLLINS
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What brings the mogul in his own mind to the Life Cafe?
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BENNY
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I would like to propose a toast
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To Maureen's noble try
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It went well
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MAUREEN
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Go to hell
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BENNY
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Was the yuppie scum stomped
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Not counting the homeless
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How many tickets weren't comped
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ROGER
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Why did Muffy --
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BENNY
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Alison
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ROGER
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Miss the show?
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BENNY
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There was a death in the family
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If you must know
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ANGEL
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Who died?
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BENNY
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Our Akita
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BENNY, MARK, ANGEL, COLLINS
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Evita
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BENNY
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Mimi -- I'm surprised
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A bright and charming girl like you
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Hangs out with these slackers
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(Who don't adhere to deals)
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They make fun -- yet I'm the one
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Attempting to do some good
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Or do you really want a neighborhood
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Where people piss on your stoop every night?
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Bohemia, Bohemia's
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A fallacy in your head
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This is Calcutta
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Bohemia is dead
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(The BOHEMIANS immediately begin to enact a mock funeral, with
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MARK delivering the "eulogy.")
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MARK
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Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes
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COLLINS & ROGER
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Dies irae -- dies illa
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Kyrie eleison
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Yitgadal v' yitkadash, etc.
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MARK
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Here she lies
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No one knew her worth
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The late great daughter of mother earth
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On this night when we celebrate the birth
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In that little town of Bethlehem
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We raise our glass -- you bet your ass to --
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(MAUREEN flashes hers.)
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La vie Boheme
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ALL
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La vie Boheme
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La vie Boheme
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La vie Boheme
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La vie Boheme
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MARK
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To days of inspiration
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Playing hookie, making something out of nothing
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The need to express --
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To communicate,
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To going against the grain,
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Going insane
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Going mad
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To loving tension, no pension
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To more than one dimension,
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To starving for attention,
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Hating convention, hating pretension
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Not to mention of course,
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Hating dear old mom and dad
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To riding your bike,
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Midday past the three piece suits
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To fruits -- to no absolutes --
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To Absolut -- to choice --
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To the Village Voice --
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To any passing fad
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ALL
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La vie Boheme
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La vie Boheme
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(JOANNE enters.)
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MAUREEN
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Is the equipment in a pyramid?
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JOANNE
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It is, Maureen
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MAUREEN
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The mixer doesn't have a case
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Don't give me that face
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(MAUREEN smacks JOANNE's ass as she exits. MR. GREY reacts.)
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MR. GREY
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Ahhemm
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MAUREEN
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Hey Mister -- she's my sister
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RESTAURANT MAN
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So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad
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Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter
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And one pasta with meatless balls
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A BOY
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Ugh
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COLLINS
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It tastes the same
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MIMI
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If you close your eyes
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RESTAURANT MAN
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And thirteen orders of fries
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Is that it here?
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ALL
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Wine and beer!
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MIMI & ANGEL
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To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries
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To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese
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To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo
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To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou
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MAUREEN & COLLINS
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Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion
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Creation, vacation
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MARK
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Mucho masturbation
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MAUREEN & COLLINS
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Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new
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COLLINS
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To Sontag
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ANGEL
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To Sondheim
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FOUR PEOPLE
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To anything taboo
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COLLINS & ROGER
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Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage
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COLLINS
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Lenny Bruce
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ROGER
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Langston Hughes
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MAUREEN
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To the stage
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PERSON #1
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To Uta
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PERSON #2
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To Buddha
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PERSON #3
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Pablo Neruda, too
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MARK & MIMI
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Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow
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To blow off Auntie Em
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ALL
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La vie Boheme
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(JOANNE returns.)
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MAUREEN
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And wipe the speakers off before you pack
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JOANNE
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Yes, Maureen
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MAUREEN
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Well -- hurry back
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(MAUREEN and JOANNE kiss.)
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MR. GREY
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Sisters?
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MAUREEN
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We're close
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(ANGEL jumps on of COLLINS, who's on the table. They kiss.)
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ANGEL, COLLINS, MAUREEN, MARK, MR. GREY
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Brothers!
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MARK, ANGEL, MIMI & THREE OTHERS
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Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens,
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Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men, Pee Wee Herman
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German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein
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Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa
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Carmina Burana
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ALL
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To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy
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Vaclav Havel -- The Sex Pistols, 8BC,
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To no shame -- never playing the Fame Game
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COLLINS
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To marijuana
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ALL
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To sodomy,
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It's between God and me
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To S & M
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(MR. GREY walks out.)
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BENNY
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Waiter...Waiter...Waiter
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ALL
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La vie Boheme
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COLLINS
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In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromptu salon will commence
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immediately following dinner...Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap,
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will perform her famous lawn chair-handcuff dance to the sounds of
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iced tea being stirred.
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ROGER
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Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to
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hold an erection on high holy days.
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(ROGER picks up an electric guitar and starts to tune it.)
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MARK
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Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular one-night engagement
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at the eleventh street lot, will sing native american tribal chants
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backwards through her vocoder, while accompanying herself on the
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electric cello -- which she has never studied.
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(At this point, JOANNE has entered and seen MAUREEN playfully kiss
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MARK. JOANNE exits. BENNY pulls MIMI aside.)
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BENNY
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Your new boyfriend doesn't know about us?
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MIMI
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There's nothing to know
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BENNY
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Don't you think that we should discuss --
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MIMI
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It was three months ago
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BENNY
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He doesn't act like he's with you
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MIMI
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We're taking it slow
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BENNY
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Where is he now?
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MIMI
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He's right -- hmm
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BENNY
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Uh huh
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MIMI
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Where'd he go?
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MARK
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Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song.
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(ROGER picks up a guitar and plays Musetta's Theme.)
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That doesn't remind us of "Musetta's Waltz"
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COLLINS
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Angel Dumott Schunard will now model the latest fall fashions from Paris ,
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while accompanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub.
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ANGEL
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And Collins will recount his exploits as an anarchist -- including the
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successful reprogramming of the M.I.T. virtual reality equipment
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to self-destruct, as it broadcast the words:
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ALL
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"Actual reality -- Act Up -- Fight AIDS"
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BENNY
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Check!!
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(BENNY exits. Lights on MIMI and ROGER.)
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MIMI
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Excuse me -- did I do something wrong?
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I get invited -- then ignored -- all night long
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ROGER
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I've been trying -- I'm not lying
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No one's perfect. I've got baggage
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MIMI
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Life's too short, babe, time is flying
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I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine
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ROGER
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I should tell, you --
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MIMI
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I've got baggage too
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ROGER
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I should tell you --
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MIMI
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I got baggage, too
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ROGER
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I should tell you --
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BOTH
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Baggage - wine --
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OTHERS
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And beer!
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(Several beepers sound. Each turns off his or her beeper.)
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MIMI
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AZT break
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(MIMI, ROGER, ANGEL, and COLLINS take pills.)
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ROGER
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You?
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MIMI
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Me. You?
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ROGER
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Mimi
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(They hold hands and stare into each other's eyes lovingly. The rest of
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the company freezes.)
La Vie Boheme
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