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Tom Waits
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Step right up
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Step right up
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Step right up
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Everyone's a winner, bargains galore
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That's right, you too can be the proud owner
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Of the quality goes in before the name goes on
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One-tenth of a dollar
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One-tenth of a dollar
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We got service after sales
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How 'bout perfume?
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We got perfume
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How 'bout an engagement ring?
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Something for the little lady
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Something for the little lady
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Something for the little lady, hmm
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Three for a dollar
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We got a year-end clearance, we got a white sale
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And a smoke-damaged furniture
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You can drive it away today
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Act now
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Act now
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And receive as our gift, our gift to you
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They come in all colors, one size fits all
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No muss, no fuss, no spills
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You're tired of kitchen drudgery
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Everything must go
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Going out of business
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Going out of business
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Going out of business sale
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Fifty percent off original retail price
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Skip the middle man
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Don't settle for less
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How do we do it?
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How do we do it?
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Volume, volume, turn up the volume
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Now you've heard it advertised, don't hesitate
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Don't be caught with your drawers down
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Don't be caught with your drawers down
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You can step right up, step right up
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That's right, it fillets, it chops
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It dices, slices, never stops
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Lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn
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And it mows your lawn
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And it picks up the kids from school
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It gets rid of unwanted facial hair
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It gets rid of embarrassing age spots
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It delivers a pizza
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And it lengthens, and it strengthens
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And it finds that slipper that's been at large
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Under the chaise longe for several weeks
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And it plays a mean rhythm master
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It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar
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And it's only a dollar, step right up
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It's only a dollar, step right up
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'Cause it forges your signature
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If not completely satisfied
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Mail back unused portion of product
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For complete refund of price of purchase
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Step right up
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Please allow thirty days for delivery
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Don't be fooled by cheap imitations
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You can live in it, live in it
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Laugh in it, love in it
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Swim in it, sleep in it
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Live in it, swim in it
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Laugh in it, love in it
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Removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets
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That's right
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And it entertains visiting relatives
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It turns a sandwich into a banquet
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Tired of being the life of the party?
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Change your shorts
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Change your life, change your life
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Change into a nine-year-old Hindu boy
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Get rid of your wife
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And it walks your dog, and it doubles on sax
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Doubles on sax, you can jump back jack
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See you later alligator
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See you later alligator
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And it steals your car
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It gets rid of your gambling debts, it quits smoking
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It's a friend, and it's a companion
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And it's the only product you will ever need
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Follow these easy assembly instructions
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It never needs ironing
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Well it takes weights off hips, bust, Thighs, chin, midriff
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Gives you dandruff, and it finds you a job
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It is a job
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And it strips the phone company free
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Take ten for five exchange
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And it gives you denture breath
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And you know it's a friend, and it's a companion
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And it gets rid of your traveler's checks
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It's new, it's improved, it's old-fashioned
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Well it takes care of business
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Never needs winding
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Never needs winding
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Never needs winding
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Gets rid of blackheads, the heartbreak of psoriasis
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Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak, buddy
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C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon
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'Cause it's effective, it's defective
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It creates household odors
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It disinfects, it sanitizes for your protection
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It gives you an erection
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It wins the election
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Why put up with painful corns any longer?
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It's a redeemable coupon, no obligation
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No salesman will visit your home
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We got a jackpot, jackpot, jackpot
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Prizes, prizes, prizes, all work guaranteed
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How do we do it
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How do we do it
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How do we do it
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How do we do it
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We need your business
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We're going out of business
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We'll give you the business
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Get on the business
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End of our going-out-of-business sale
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Receive our free brochure, free brochure
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Read the easy-to-follow assembly instructions
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Batteries not included
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Send before midnight tomorrow, terms available
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Step right up
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Step right up
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Step right up
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You got it buddy, the large print giveth
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And the small print taketh away
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Step right up
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You can step right up
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You can step right up
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C'mon step right up
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Get away from me kid, you bother me
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Step right up, step right up, step right up
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C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon
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Step right up
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You can step right up
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C'mon and step right up
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C'mon and step right up
Tom Waits - "God's Away On Business"
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