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Tech Support For Dad
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Tom Smith
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1
It had been a long ass work week; it had been a long ass day
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I was hoping I could just go home and sleep the night away
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But the message waiting for me was the worst a man could know:
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"Hi there, son, could you call me back? My computer's running slow."
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There are bamboo shoots and water torture, German blondes named Gert,
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Films with Adam Sandler and lots of other things that hurt
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But it's not my job or girlfriend that finally drove me mad
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I've been on the phone long-distance doing tech support for Dad
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It took seven tries to get him to the Start menu and Run
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He had Bonzi Buddy, Comet Cursor, and Quicktime 3.1.
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I said I'd try to find out if his firewall had been breached
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Turned out he'd bought this Compaq before Clinton was impeached
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Service packs and driver updates, he needs every single thing
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And he gets online by dial-up, so he might be done by spring
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But he trusts that I can fix it, his beloved college grad
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Never mind it was in Russian, now I'm tech support for Dad
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After thirty seven reboots and a dozen clean installs
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My room is trashed, my plants are dead and there's green slime on the walls
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But his 'puter's running smoothly, I can finally get away
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When he says, "Oh, son, one more thing - how do you sell stuff on eBay?"
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Here's a pox on all programmers puttin' crapware on your shelves
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May you have to teach your programs to your dads by phone yourselves
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There's the Normandy Invasion and the Siege of Leningrad,
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And the special hell filling in for Dell as tech support for Dad
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Now I've built him a computer; nothing can get in or out
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The firewall's adamantium and the drives are sealed with grout
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And if this one starts to run slow, well that's just too damn bad
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'Cause I'd rather shave my eyeballs than do tech support for Dad
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Tech support for Dad
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Tech support for Dad
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"Hang on, son -- your mom wants to know how to set up a web page."
Dean Lewis - How Do I Say Goodbye (Offic...
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