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The Gnu
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Flanders & Swann
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1
A year ago, last Thursday I was strolling in the zoo
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when I met a man who though he knew the lot.
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He was laying down the law about the habits of Baboons
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And how many quills a porcupine has got.
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So I asked him: 'What's that creature there?'
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He answered: 'Oh, H'it's a H'elk'
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I might of gone on thinking that was true,
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If the animal in question hadn't put that chap to shame
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And remarked: 'I h'aint a H'elk. I'm a Gnu!'
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'I'm a Gnu, I'm a Gnu
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The g-nicest work of g-nature in the zoo
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I'm a Gnu, How do you do
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You really ought to k-now w-ho's w-ho's
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I'm a Gnu, Spelt G-N-U
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I'm g-not a Camel or a Kangaroo
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So let me introduce,
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I'm g-neither man nor moose
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Oh g-no g-no g-no I'm a Gnu'
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I had taken furnished lodgings down at Rustington-on-Sea
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Whence I travelled on to Ashton-under-Lyne it was actually
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And the second night I stayed there I was woken from a dream
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That I'll tell you all about some other time
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Among the hunting trophies on the wall above my bed
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Stuffed and mounted, was a face I thought I knew;
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A Bison? No, it's not a Bison. An Okapi? Unlikely, Really. A Hartebeest?
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When I though I heard a voice: 'I'm a Gnu!'
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I'm a Gnu, ,A g-nother gnu
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I wish I could g-nash my teeth at you!
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I'm a Gnu, How do you do
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You really ought to k-now w-ho's w-ho.
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I'm a Gnu Spelt G-N-U,
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Call me Bison or Okapi and I'll sue
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G-nor am I the least
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Like that dreadful Hartebeest,
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Oh, g-no, g-no, g-no,
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G-no g-no g-no I'm a Gnu
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G-no g-no g-no I'm a Gnu
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It's very G-nice of you.
Flanders & Swann
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